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Emotions and Feelings... Can you relearn them?

Cece

Hi.

I have recently learnt that I am autistic and I have been struggling with that information.. very much!

Not going through the full chaos going through my analytical brain but just one query I would appreciate your help in steering me to resolve.

So although I have only recently learnt of my autism (age 34), I have obviously had it all my life and I have also been camouflaging... Quite effectively in fact.

I think that the veil only started to thin over the last year or two around the time when (really very unsure if that was a cause or another symptom of something else .. but besides the point) I have had some relationship (married to another possible autistic and with kids) and emotional troubles that I simply couldn't handle very well.

People started (I really don't know why or how... I didn't know I changed anything in my behaviour and I have certainly always made an effort to separate my personal and professional lives) noticing that I am "cold", like a "robot", a "machine" alongside various jokes or "serious concerns" about the fact that I might be on the spectrum and/or suffer from mental health issues, etc. So suffice to say that I am not happy with the fact that the face I have been wearing all my life is simply torn now.

So I have quite the dilemma because upon reassessing my life, I have noted that I have been subconsciously camouflaging so effectively that I am unclear to which of the feelings or emotions that I had were true vs those I imitated to fit in or if I can simply even feel anything or just incapable of doing so.

So I am at a loss to where I stand with all that simply because I don't actually think I genuinely know what those feelings or emotions are meant to be in reality (for me) or for the world to keep my camouflage going for longer while I get to grips with life and how to live it with this new perspective.

So for those who can camouflage, any tips on how to get my skills back (or why I suddenly lost it!) for the short term peace of mind?

And for those who learnt how to identify their real emotions vs the other daily noise, any tips on how I can identify the truth in mine?

P.S. this is my first post, I am really struggling with simply accepting myself. Camouflaging effectively will help buy me the time I need to process all this and move on, so please don't tell me that I shouldn't do it and to be proud, be myself etc etc.

Thank you 

Parents

  • maybe all your emotions were true and valid..... i mean what is a emotion anyway? if you felt it, then it was true, even if you think you was faking it, if its one you felt then it was true. perhaps instead you have became depressed, depression can make you colder and make you feel differently and go numb, things that gave you joy no longer will give you joy and so on.. so it could be depression? and you said you had a few troubles, that is often a trigger for depression.... tbh everything can be a trigger for depression though really.

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  • maybe all your emotions were true and valid..... i mean what is a emotion anyway? if you felt it, then it was true, even if you think you was faking it, if its one you felt then it was true. perhaps instead you have became depressed, depression can make you colder and make you feel differently and go numb, things that gave you joy no longer will give you joy and so on.. so it could be depression? and you said you had a few troubles, that is often a trigger for depression.... tbh everything can be a trigger for depression though really.

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