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Indecisiveness and guilt about special interests

Wombles

I have three special interests, and I am experiencing some difficulties around committing time to them at the moment.  It's like I struggle to focus on my hobbies and dedicate the time I should to them because I am always concerned that I am neglecting my partner by spending time on them.  She is fine with me doing my hobbies - she likes having some time to herself and doesn't want to live in my pockets, but I always feel like I am somehow letting her down by focusing on my interests. 

I also find that sometimes I just don't feel motivated to do my interests.  I spend lots of time sitting down and making complex plans about what I will do every night, but when it comes time to do it, often find I lack the motivation to do things.  Sometimes I feel like I am wasting time doing these hobbies when I should be getting on with something more productive rather than indulging myself.

I wondered if anyone can offer any tips or suggestions on planning special interests around free time and also how to let go of some of the guilt I feel in engaging with my special interests?

  • in reply to Jay

    Well my beloved version is from 1986 with Kiri Te Kenwa and Jose Carrera [those spellings are almost certainly wrong]  There is some very grainy footage of it being recorded on Youtube that is SOOO 1980's.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Thanks for those two reminders from my childhood! Not sure how I know Happy Talk, but I expect a relation had a South Pacific soundtrack. I’ve just spent a few happy minutes checking out the many versions on Spotify including some nice Jazz tracks. 

  • in reply to Deleted User

    DISAMBIGUATION:-

    Hannibal from the A-Team "I love it when a plan comes together!"

    'Happy Talk' Song Lyric "If you don't have a dream, how you gunna have a dream come true"

  • in reply to Jay

    Hell yes !  Most relateable.....but you know what they say;

    "If you don't have a plan, how you gunna have a plan come together." 

    So OK, that is a mish-mash of the genius philanthropist John Hannibal Smith and 'Happy Talk' [1958 South Pacific].....but you get the idea !

  • I would say that indulging yourself is not unproductive if it helps you to be happy, which in turn is of course good for your partner too.  I tend to make lots of intricate plans too, specifically about reference books I want to buy at the moment, but put off the actual buying.  Sometimes, it seems like my interest is more in making the plans, maybe that's relatable, I don't know.

  • Wombles said:
    also how to let go of some of the guilt I feel in engaging with my special interests?

    The way I rationalise this in my own head, is thus;

    I don't feel guilt when I meet a blind person just because I have working eyes, and I use them to explore.  Blind people have their own strategies, strengths and superpowers to accommodate the difference.

    I think it is the same for special interests.

    If you have been blessed and cursed with special interests - use them - explore.  People without special interests have their own strategies, strengths and superpowers to accommodate the difference.

    [NOTE - I do hope Sphynx will be comfortable with my analogy above, and I have used it solely because I had a very close relative who was blind and explained things to me as above.  I maintain deep gratitude to that relative for all the invaluable lessons they taught me from a very young age, and equally to their handful of dog companions over the years who similarly gave me cherished and invaluable education and friendship.]