Hi,
Yesterday I was diagnosed with level 1 autism spectum. I'm 45. Female. And although the diagnosis doesn't suprise me - I had figured it out, and took myself for testing. I find myself sad for my younger self, and frankly angry at all those folks who could, and perhaps should, have spotted something when I was a child. I have just one life, and I've spent 45 years feeling that I was somehow failing, when all I needed was someone to recognise neurodivergence.
Anyone else feel this way?
I live in the South East so definitely agree with your assessment Number!
Hi Morganna
I’m 45 too. Not diagnosed but asking for assessment at the moment. I can relate and am sorry that this was not explored when I was younger. This seems pretty common for our age group. I’m trying not to blame anyone but there were definite opportunities in my childhood even though there was much less awareness. I think this is particularly true for those like myself who somehow scrape through life’s challenges, albeit with significant impact on their wellbeing.
Jay
Would it be much use if privately-owned, vast lands were freed up for general use?
I was only angry with myself for being too slow to understand my fundamental difficulties and their likely cause...something which appears to be the endgame of irony, because being autistic possibly stopped me from realising I'm autistic. Hilarious stuff.
Sorry to be autistic about it....but look at my name......another aspect of this is simple numbers !
The amount of space in England has increased by zero in 40 years.
The amount of humans in England has increased by 10 million in 40 years.
Thats a lot more people needing to rub along with each other...we have used a bit more of the land to house those extra people, but almost exclusively, we have just intensified the number of people in the same place by either making conurbations swell at the edges and/or stacking people on top of each other - literally - in high rise living. I believe that this has quite an impact on individual humans too = more hemmed in, more trapped, more claustrophobic etc
I'm actually a fan of "New Towns" ie the likes of Milton Keynes, Corby, Letchworth etc.
I have hope for the future though
Thank goodness, Alice. 
There's a generational aspect, perhaps. My parents & their own were very reluctant to 'bother the doctor' who was apparently permanently 'very busy'. I think modern folks aren't as deferential now, and maybe this is a factor in increased diagnoses numbers.
I wonder if the lack of research in the past was mainly because it was much easier to live with a neuro difference back then. Life is so fast and noisy now, communication is becoming harder and people increasingly less tolerant - which leads to more sensitivity, more blame and as a result, even less tolerance. Desmond Morris touches on this in the naked ape - how technology is moving faster than the human brain can adapt and what effect that has on mental health issues.
It seems to like society is going in ever decreasing circles on all fronts - climate, equality (all forms), politics in general etc. However, great leaps forward are also being made. The problem as I see it is that people really don't like being told that their opinions are wrong and the worse they're made to feel, the stronger they attach themselves to their opinions. Eventually, some lose all tolerance because they feel like they can't do or say anything right. It's a conundrum: at least, that's how I see it all anyway
I feel the same, it is so frustrating.
But my one thought is some gratitude for being able to get diagnosed at all, but then also an element of sympathy for the Drs working in a system that is underfunded and where the research is really still developing enough to consider some of us as being on the spectrum.
I guess it was just underappreciated for a long time, but good that society is finally taking more interest in these research now
friendoffelines Hats off to you for such a great attitude! Love it!
OMG! Absolutely! I'm 61 but it never occured to me that I might be autistic until I watched the chris Packham documentary. I've always thought I was super organised, structured, and couldn't see why other people didn't live like me where everything is planned, preventing unexpeced things happening.
Having read and researched massively (and yes, probably obsessively) since then, it is SO clear to me, from scratching a nail with a nail, to rocking, to being hypermobile, to being able to run a small country on my own (so long as people aren't involved!), that I am a high functioning autistic woman. When I asked the people that matter to me what they thought, they all agreed that I was and was surprised that it had NEVER occured to me.
I could be distressed that I have wasted 61 years of my life trying to fit in (and failing miserably), or I could shout it from the rooftops, and anyone who isn't supportive and doesn't make allowances can swivel. I feel that for the first time in my life, that everything makes complete, total and utter sense!
Embrace it Morganna you have an other 40 hears to live your life as YOU!
For me personally, Temple Grandin has the correct measure of accommodation for ones autism and how parental influence, guidance and support can be best applied. She is one of my unsung heros - probably not everyone's cup of tea, but I have great admiration for her wisdom and accomplishments.
We are of the generation of the great under diagnosed, our parents generation being the great undiagnosed, and I think rather than behaviours going unnoticed, they simply weren't understood. I sometimes wonder what, if anything, the support would have been like had I been diagnosed as a child, but I also wonder if it actually would have made my life better. An observation I have made about the younger (diagnosed) ND generation is that although they are wonderfully unapologetic of their behaviours, they also make little to no effort to accommodate those around them. I feel like, as with everything, their challenges will be different, but not necessarily better than those of us who are older.
I have a 20 year old friend who has ADHD, and they struggle hugely with not having been able to find a romantic relationship. They also make no attempt to modify their "all about me" approach to life. For me there is a very clear link there...
Thanks Number, sorry to hear it is still raw for you too! It is nice to know what others in the situation feel the same way.
Thanks Ben. It is nice to know others feel the same, although it sounds like you had a rough ride to get to the right diagnosis.
Thanks Catlover It is reassuring to know what others have felt the same.
Thanks Jamie, this is a really good perspective to have on it. I suspect my father was one of those who were born and died without ever knowing. I guess we are lucky to know. Thanks for sharing this.
