Executive Functioning. We need help.

Hello.

Introduction (Me): young adult, currently at college, still living at home, autistic (diagnosed aged 16), adhd (undiagnosed).

Problem: my mother. She has mild symptoms of adhd, but big problems with organisation to the extent that I really don't think it's normal... which is why I thought I would check with everyone on here as I don't have much experience with normality. Our house is an absolute tip. Our kitchen: a carpet of dust and dirt and little bits of furry vegetables that have fallen lining the edges of the floor; sink is brown and blocked with tea leaves; clutter on every single surface, washing up is done irregularly and there are things waiting (jars, plastic packages, etc.) that have been there for weeks; no system of organisation in the fridge or cupboards. Hallway: full of boxes and piles of junk covered in sheets from when we moved six years ago and still stuff hasn't been sorted or unpacked. Bathroom: looks like something from a third-world country; completely black and mouldy and slimy. We still have bare plaster and naked lightbulbs from building work 2 years ago which hasn't been painted, and no wardrobe or filing cabinets. Everything is just a hellish mess.

For someone with OCD tendencies, I find it really stressful living in so much disorder. I also have executive functioning issues and find it hard to cope with stuff unless there is a clear structure of organisation and chore routine. My mother does not have a job, and before you ask, she's not depressed. She says that she's an organised person (family and I beg to differ) but has a lot on her plate. Lockdown... issues with my schooling... my mental and physical health issues... but I see other people who have larger family and full time careers managing to keep an organised home.

I love my mum so much and she's a wonderful person, but the way we have been living for the past few years shows no hope of changing and causes me and my dad a lot of pain. It will be at least another couple of years before I consider leaving home. None of it is my stuff; I'm not in control of how the house is run; there is very little I can do; and she won't accept any advice or support. 

I think this is beyond most self-help books, and beyond the "little-bit-here-little-bit-there" tidying she promises to do when she has the chance. But the chance never comes.

Thanks in advance for any advice.