• Locked Locked
  • Replies 67 replies
  • Subscribers 89 subscribers
  • Views 9246 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned
This discussion has been locked.
You can no longer post new replies to this discussion. If you have a question you can start a new discussion

Poly

JT

A friend sat me & my partner down about 10 years ago and told us she was polyamorous. She had a boyfriend and a second love interest at the time.

I'd never heard the term before and didn't think much of it.

But as time went on I realised this is how I felt as well. I have been fighting it off because I'm in a happy, monogamous relationship that I don't want to upset, but I also feel in some ways a little restricted by that. I love my partner and will stay 100% loyal to her as that is the loyal relationship we have.

I'm sure anyone reading this will immediately think 'you want to be physically intimate with another person'. This isn't my concern. My concern is surrounding the notion of freedom, actually to be more accurate, the palpable feeling of restraint or restriction that I feel single person relationships hold over individuals in society's unwritten 'Rulebook of Expectation'. You know the one, that everybody signed (accept, nobody has, they just go along with it without question??).

If it was a physical thing I could just go out and cheat and be a dishonest person. But I have no interest in breaking the love and trust of my partner. It is much more nuanced than that. It's the feeling of freedom to know and share love and care with whomever I feel it towards. I feel that deeply. This isn't about physical intimacy, this is about philosophical freedom.

Just wondering if anyone else feels this way?

As I say I'd never heard that term before, but within my circle of family and friends I don't know anyone else that follows this way of thinking. It would definitely be frowned upon and seen as 'weird' or similar, and although I am growing into my unmasked unique self, the idea of being open about things like this that can so easily be mischaracterised and life changing in the most important relationships I know, is frightening to me

Parents

  • i dunno it kinda sounds like a high sex drive.

    if you just wanted to love more people you could still love them without having sex with them, kinda like how you must have loved your parents but certainly wouldnt have wanted sex with them lmao love isnt just sexual relationship, it can be with parents or with friends... and to be fair parental love is probably stronger given you spent longer time with parents than you have with total strangers.

    what i dont get is how to meet a new person and form a relationship with them that matches that love one feels to parents... is relationship love weak or a imaginary thing? or is it just lust and thats it? ....because im not feeling any love unless i perhaps get to know the person over many years and form a bond with them over years, i cant do this jumping into relations like everyone else seems to do and then proclaim it as love, because that would be a betrayal of the feeling of love in my eyes and a light use of the term. for me to love someone i have to spend alot of time and experiences with them and it has to really sink in over a long time. it might never even happen too.

  • in reply to Caelus

    Have you considered you might be demisexual?

Reply Children
  • in reply to Mariusz

    could be, after googling what that is it sounds pretty much what im on about. although it could just be normal as i still doubt people feel love on the appearance of someone, to me thats just lust. love  is a hard grind and earned, like respect, its not given instantly but earned by time or shared experience.

    ofcourse it seems women dont like that and prefer a quicky off a chav these days. i feel theres no love and lust has taken over peoples minds instead. which is then reflected in the amount fo single mothers and abandonment and partners falling out and relationships not lasting a lifetime like they did in my parents days but rather lasting 3 to 5 years tops. i honestly feel other people dont feel love, because if they did they wouldnt abandon anyone they once claimed to feel love for.