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Poly

JT

A friend sat me & my partner down about 10 years ago and told us she was polyamorous. She had a boyfriend and a second love interest at the time.

I'd never heard the term before and didn't think much of it.

But as time went on I realised this is how I felt as well. I have been fighting it off because I'm in a happy, monogamous relationship that I don't want to upset, but I also feel in some ways a little restricted by that. I love my partner and will stay 100% loyal to her as that is the loyal relationship we have.

I'm sure anyone reading this will immediately think 'you want to be physically intimate with another person'. This isn't my concern. My concern is surrounding the notion of freedom, actually to be more accurate, the palpable feeling of restraint or restriction that I feel single person relationships hold over individuals in society's unwritten 'Rulebook of Expectation'. You know the one, that everybody signed (accept, nobody has, they just go along with it without question??).

If it was a physical thing I could just go out and cheat and be a dishonest person. But I have no interest in breaking the love and trust of my partner. It is much more nuanced than that. It's the feeling of freedom to know and share love and care with whomever I feel it towards. I feel that deeply. This isn't about physical intimacy, this is about philosophical freedom.

Just wondering if anyone else feels this way?

As I say I'd never heard that term before, but within my circle of family and friends I don't know anyone else that follows this way of thinking. It would definitely be frowned upon and seen as 'weird' or similar, and although I am growing into my unmasked unique self, the idea of being open about things like this that can so easily be mischaracterised and life changing in the most important relationships I know, is frightening to me

Parents

  • I think I would definitely like to be poly if my circumstances were different. 

    I've written a lot of fan fiction about poly relationships, which I know is different to real life, but it has madee think a lot about the ideas and values involved.

    Values like compersion, which is where you find joy in the happiness of someone you love instead of being jealous, and lots of open and honest communication. 

    My partner knows some people in a triad relationship, and I think it's wonderfully romantic.  Instead of limiting your love to one person, you get to share it with two!  Also I think all three are neurodivergent in one way or another.

    The biggest barrier for me is just my ability to get out and meet people, especially one that me and my wife would agreee on.  Then there would be all the change involved in having to fit a second romantic partner in my life.  It's a big thing! 

  • in reply to Glitter

    Every relationship I have, costs me some of my limited time and energy to sustain.

    Whether it's simple relationships such as one has with the things in ones life, or money or the law, they all cost a sliver of time and effort.

    Then there are the deeper relationships I have with my humans such as the long suffering O/H, the Daughter, some close friends, and of course their are my lovely cats, BUT the single sexual one in that list for some reasons can cost huge amounts of my personal resources and sometimes at the most inappropriate moments...

    And (pardon my choice of words, no real insult is intended to anyone, except the comedic value of exposing my own personal limitations) you lunatics want to add a multiplication factor to that relationship workload?

    I thought we weren't supposed to be good at that sort of thing?

    How do those of you who manage a thruple or greater polyamoury, ever find time to paint the fence or deep clean the bathroom? :c)

Reply
  • in reply to Glitter

    Every relationship I have, costs me some of my limited time and energy to sustain.

    Whether it's simple relationships such as one has with the things in ones life, or money or the law, they all cost a sliver of time and effort.

    Then there are the deeper relationships I have with my humans such as the long suffering O/H, the Daughter, some close friends, and of course their are my lovely cats, BUT the single sexual one in that list for some reasons can cost huge amounts of my personal resources and sometimes at the most inappropriate moments...

    And (pardon my choice of words, no real insult is intended to anyone, except the comedic value of exposing my own personal limitations) you lunatics want to add a multiplication factor to that relationship workload?

    I thought we weren't supposed to be good at that sort of thing?

    How do those of you who manage a thruple or greater polyamoury, ever find time to paint the fence or deep clean the bathroom? :c)

Children
  • in reply to battybats

    Yeah, you caught me, I went a bit too far there...

  • in reply to I Sperg
    I Sperg said:
    How do those of you who manage a thruple or greater polyamoury, ever find time to paint the fence or deep clean the bathroom? :c)

    To be fair, I don't know how ANYONE finds time to deep clean the bathroom!

  • in reply to Glitter

    An extra adult who knows how to do stuff exactly in the wrong way and will need training.

    I'm a hard sell today ;c) 

  • in reply to I Sperg
    I Sperg said:
    ever find time to paint the fence or deep clean the bathroom?

    Exactly. It's like with kids, too much spare time = looking for trouble. After all mom cleans the bathroom.

  • in reply to I Sperg

    Well, for a start you have more people to split the chores.  It's like having an extra child to help around the house, except they're an adult who knows how to do stuff.  Also if three people do decide to live together and share bills, you can afford to hire a cleaner.  ;) 

    I Sperg said:
    How do those of you who manage a thruple or greater polyamoury, ever find time to paint the fence or deep clean the bathroom? :c)