My boyfriend has two autistic siblings, as well as a nephew who is ND, and exhibits signs of being ND himself. These include:
- finding it hard to understand what others are thinking or feeling
He "gets it" logically but can often show indifference and lack of interest to an emotional response whilst telling me "your feelings are valid, but this doesn't bother me". An example of this would be when in a long distance relationship a trip we had planned became impossible. I was upset and frustrated because I really wanted to see him, after explaining this to him he said "I am not worried, we'll see each other another time" - getting very anxious about social situations
He has no interest in going out unless to a specific event. His job forces him to socialise on occasion but he will find a room to hide in. - finding it hard to make friends or preferring to be on your own
He does have acquaintances, but he prefers to be on his own. He'll often tell me "you're my only person" - seeming blunt, rude or not interested in others without meaning to
Very often he comes across as aloof or dismissive but has no idea that this is the case and gets upset if it's pointed out to him. - finding it hard to say how you feel
He will often tell me "I simply do not have the words to express how I feel" - Touch
He is affectionate and physical contact and sex are not a problem for him. However, when hugging - and he often initiates this - half way through a movie I will see that he wants my hands on his arm, or chest, or stomach, but he'll be holding them in place - not strongly or in a weird way, just gently restricting me and ensuring the touch is one he likes.
He has never mentioned a diagnosis to me, and doesn't like dwelling on the subject of his siblings or their diagnosis. The reason I want to ask him is I think I will be able to educate myself better and be able to overcome the trials that we occasionally encounter.
I want to ask him but as he has never raised it before - and very personal things health related, childhood related, etc, things he has told me about, so I am nervous to raise it. It not an issue for me if he is ND, it would not turn me off him, or change our relationship, if anything, the knowledge would improve our relationship, I would be able to be more compassionate and understanding to things that crop up. I am not upset that he's held this back, we all have things we're scared about sharing - my only question is, can I raise it with him? Should I raise it with him? And if so, how?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
