Having a beer helps (but I know it’s not good)

I’d had my first alcoholic drink in a gay venue after I had come out as gay in my 20’s (when I’d went through the delusion of thinking that I was gay when in fact I’d been confused about my sexuality for a long time) and was active on the gay scene in Dublin (before that, coming from a very teetotal traditional Irish Rural Catholic background, I’d never drank because my entire family were “pioneers” and I’d been made to take the pledge at Confirmation) but after I cut all ties with the gay community and returned to my Catholic faith 15 years ago, I stopped drinking altogether - having lived in the U.K. 20 years and having worked in supermarket retailing for 30 years, I’d seen the damage that U.K. “binge drinking” had caused so I’d always had a very careful, controlled and socially responsible attitude to drink, even when going out alone on the gay scene - I just don’t like the experience of being drunk (when it has happened on some occasions) as I don’t like the experience of not being in control - even now post-diagnosis with my current hotel employer, I’m very careful about drinking in work-related social events, as I don’t want to add to my problems by drinking to excess (I know, the “drunk Irishman” stereotypes, etc lol) - Covid and the traditional Irish Background I’ve come from has changed this a lot for me in many respects and there are also certain aspects of traditional Catholic social teaching that relate to both disability and sexuality issues which drinking can complicate, so even on weekends off, I’m very reluctant to even have one drink with a meal at home alone at age 52 and for the same reasons, even though I’ve proven to myself that I can enjoy myself without drinking at parties, it’s a shame to see the younger crowd getting hammered on cocktails within an hour - if there had been any social pressures to drink, I would have been very reluctant to attend social events, as was the case with my last supermarket employer for 17 years, where I’d only attended one Christmas party there and the drunken antics I saw then put me off attending any more, as in later years, I’d heard that these drunken antics had got worse year on year and about 5 years before I’d left, had even involved illegal drug use with those involved being dismissed and prosecuted after disciplinary and police investigations, so it’s not worth it 

I’d had my first alcoholic drink in a gay venue after I had come out as gay in my 20’s (when I’d went through the delusion of thinking that I was gay when in fact I’d been confused about my sexuality for a long time) and was active on the gay scene in Dublin (before that, coming from a very teetotal traditional Irish Rural Catholic background, I’d never drank because my entire family were “pioneers” and I’d been made to take the pledge at Confirmation) but after I cut all ties with the gay community and returned to my Catholic faith 15 years ago, I stopped drinking altogether - having lived in the U.K. 20 years and having worked in supermarket retailing for 30 years, I’d seen the damage that U.K. “binge drinking” had caused so I’d always had a very careful, controlled and socially responsible attitude to drink, even when going out alone on the gay scene - I just don’t like the experience of being drunk (when it has happened on some occasions) as I don’t like the experience of not being in control - even now post-diagnosis with my current hotel employer, I’m very careful about drinking in work-related social events, as I don’t want to add to my problems by drinking to excess (I know, the “drunk Irishman” stereotypes, etc lol) - Covid and the traditional Irish Background I’ve come from has changed this a lot for me in many respects and there are also certain aspects of traditional Catholic social teaching that relate to both disability and sexuality issues which drinking can complicate, so even on weekends off, I’m very reluctant to even have one drink with a meal at home alone at age 52 and for the same reasons, even though I’ve proven to myself that I can enjoy myself without drinking at parties, it’s a shame to see the younger crowd getting hammered on cocktails within an hour - if there had been any social pressures to drink, I would have been very reluctant to attend social events, as was the case with my last supermarket employer for 17 years, where I’d only attended one Christmas party there and the drunken antics I saw then put me off attending any more, as in later years, I’d heard that these drunken antics had got worse year on year and about 5 years before I’d left, had even involved illegal drug use with those involved being dismissed and prosecuted after disciplinary and police investigations, so it’s not worth it