Autistic Identity

I wish I did have some amazing insights to share! I if you have done your research you are probably correct about your diagnosis. I found it very affirming to have it confirmed by a professional but afterwards I wondered why I did not quite trust myself to self diagnose. 

It's definitely helped with self acceptance, I used to be so frustrated with myself and couldn't understand why I was struggling so much. Now I still struggle but I know why, I give myself more of break.

Work is a sensitive topic, I am not keen at the moment to disclose. I think there is not enough understanding and that I would definitely be seen as less professional. Also I don't think my job would offer any accommodations, if there was something I thought would be helpful I might consider disclosure.

Good luck with your journey x

Thank you!

I have a private diagnosis and am waiting an NHS assessment. I'm finding that I haven't worked out how to change my thinking from being a very flawed NT, to accepting me.

I understand what you mean about work and professionalism. I can't be my true self, and was wondering if there were any clever tricks out there to lessen the impact. Or if I have to decide whether to stay or go.

I'm so glad you are able to give yourself a break and have understanding for yourself. That's something I really need to work on.

Thank you

Pikl said:

I can't be my true self, and was wondering if there were any clever tricks out there to lessen the impact.

Revealing your Autism at work is a double edged sword - I did this quietly to some of my colleagues and they were mostly of the response of "so what?".

Not many NTs have done much reading or heard a lot about Autism and won't know what to make of it (in my experience) but it will be the managers and the HR/People dept that are the ones who are most relevant to you.

Don't expect your colleagues to change how they behave as it is likely not in their nature. Your manager and HR team do have a duty to make accommodations as I believe Autism is classified as a disability in the UK and they will have red flags popping up about not getting into a situation of being sued if they don't respond appropriately.

I never revealed my formal diagnosis as I was a year away from retiring and had been masking/scripting for 4 decades by then, so a little longer was not an issue for me.

You should use your powers of processing to work out the possible scenarios of how things could go at work and decide how you want to play it. That will give you some frameworks of response to consider and you can chose the one best suited yo where you want to be in the future.

As for changing your thinking from what you thought you were to what you have been diagosed with - to me that is all just a technicality. You know what you feel like, what you like and don't and what sort of situations do to you, so all you really have is an explanation as to why you are this way.

This does not give you carte blanche to insist on doing everything the way that best sits with your Autism - you are still a cog in a bigger maching and you need to work out the balance to stay there or drop out and try to start again (and as a person with a disability it can be much harder to land a job).

If I were in your shoes I would reveal my diagnosis (after preparing to be able to leave) and ask for some reasonable considerations to make you function effectively in your role and as part of your team. If they refure then make sure you keep paper trails of everything with it all kept in writing (maybe BCC your personal email on relevant threads) and get the contact of a good employment lay solicitor just in case.

Good luck in processing all the stuff you need to and in making the decisions that are in your own best insterests.

Pikl said:

I can't be my true self, and was wondering if there were any clever tricks out there to lessen the impact.

Revealing your Autism at work is a double edged sword - I did this quietly to some of my colleagues and they were mostly of the response of "so what?".

Not many NTs have done much reading or heard a lot about Autism and won't know what to make of it (in my experience) but it will be the managers and the HR/People dept that are the ones who are most relevant to you.

Don't expect your colleagues to change how they behave as it is likely not in their nature. Your manager and HR team do have a duty to make accommodations as I believe Autism is classified as a disability in the UK and they will have red flags popping up about not getting into a situation of being sued if they don't respond appropriately.

I never revealed my formal diagnosis as I was a year away from retiring and had been masking/scripting for 4 decades by then, so a little longer was not an issue for me.

You should use your powers of processing to work out the possible scenarios of how things could go at work and decide how you want to play it. That will give you some frameworks of response to consider and you can chose the one best suited yo where you want to be in the future.

As for changing your thinking from what you thought you were to what you have been diagosed with - to me that is all just a technicality. You know what you feel like, what you like and don't and what sort of situations do to you, so all you really have is an explanation as to why you are this way.

This does not give you carte blanche to insist on doing everything the way that best sits with your Autism - you are still a cog in a bigger maching and you need to work out the balance to stay there or drop out and try to start again (and as a person with a disability it can be much harder to land a job).

If I were in your shoes I would reveal my diagnosis (after preparing to be able to leave) and ask for some reasonable considerations to make you function effectively in your role and as part of your team. If they refure then make sure you keep paper trails of everything with it all kept in writing (maybe BCC your personal email on relevant threads) and get the contact of a good employment lay solicitor just in case.

Good luck in processing all the stuff you need to and in making the decisions that are in your own best insterests.

Thank you.

It's not that's she's a bad boss, it's just a complex situation. 

I work with young children, and particularly with children who have autism. It was identified that I make connections naturally with children who have autism. Thus my position as the expert, I'm a fast learner. I imagine that my diagnosis since that has proven to be difficult to reconcile, perhaps.

I don't want to cause trouble, I've not asked for anything, and I've only recently let her know how I'm treated by colleagues. I don't really understand her approach, and I'm trying to find a positive in it. As I'm sure that was the intention. Wish people could just say it straight rather than imply it. 

I have been using my processing powers for everything, and it does cause stress, and likely is driving me slowly insane. Reducing it is a good idea. Thank you.

Pikl said:

I work somewhere that has no HR department,

Are you in the UK? I believe by law there needs to be an HR function, even if it is outsourced.

If not, deffo speak to an Employment lawyer (about £120 for a consult I believe) and understand where you stand legally. It will give you powerful ammunition in any legal standoff in future.

The ability to process info is a bit of an Autistic superpower - because our brains developed differently to NTs then we often have the ability ro process and deep dive into technical matters more effectively.

If you do it to everything then it can be too demanding, but used selectively it can be a power for your own good.

As for your boss thinking that your mental health may cause him/the team problems, the lawyer can probably point you to the appropriate laws to pass onto your boss about her responsibilities. Keep this in writing by email of course...

It can seem daunting, but you have rights and I hope we can stop the bad managers from running all over these with some prudent perparation.

Hi Iain,

I work somewhere that has no HR department, and my boss knows my diagnosis. She doesn't accept it, and I understand why. I'm not allowed to disclose it to colleagues because of the likelihood that the information will get out and damage the business. I again understand the fears involved. 

I was just hoping to find a way to continue masking, and to not have it's negative impact. Though I'm likely asking for way too much.

I love that you said powers of processing in regards to running scenarios, a therapist told me to stop doing that. Not bloody likely!

My boss at work is more concerned about my mental health potentially causing a problem. 

Anyway, thank you for your help, I appreciate it.