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Really getting annoyed with my parents!! It's getting hopeless.

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So basically, when my mum finished work, she just asksif I could help someone with her web cam because it won't install or something, i just don't think she understands how my disability effects me and what aspergers is how I find it really difficult to cope day to day. I said I would be tired because I do work everyday, and I just didn't actually want to do it after work, I didn't say that but I found it difficult to say what I actually meant! But it is true, I was thinking about it when she asked me to help, It's difficult for me to change my routines for what I want to do after work, It is always when I get home, I have a bath, eat dinner then I go on games and computer all night so I can get my strss out and actually relax! Doing the things I actually WANT to do and NOT doing anymore work from that point! My mum starts moaning at me saying stop blaming it on your disability, I've changed, talking to her in a rude way etc, well just because my emotion on my face looks cross and angry, it's not who I am and what I actually felt! I felt sad and annoyed because she doesn't understand me and my aspergers! I've tried to explain hpw it effects me but it's f*cking hopeless! She just says well just don't think you have it, and it's all up to you to treat and "cure" it yourself apparently. Well, it's not as simple as that, at work, my mood and emotions, and the way I actually feel really helpful, full of energy, and the way I talk to people and actually can be bothered to work is firstly, because I am interested in doing what I do the subject/job I'm doing, and secondly I feel that they understand my aspergers better, they care about me, knowing what my needs are and how to support me because of these symptoms, instead of at home, where I just don't think they care about my aspergers, whenever I tell them about it, they just think it's a lot of crap what's coming out of my mouth, they just say, yeah, it's all up to YOU, it can be cured, plus they don't give me any other support, or they don't show any signs how they CARE about my aspergers or how they're helping to treat my aspergers. They keep saying, all you do is go on the computer after work, play games all day etc, well it's because I NEED to do this to keep me relaxed and my anxiety, stress and depression levels down and I'm NOT changing this. They said to me today you just go on your computer as it is your friend, well they're damn right because my Computer IS my friend, at least it understands ME more than YOU do. I didn't actually say this by the way. I just feel why bother speaking to them if they don't understand me. I have tried to give them a wikipedia page with chinese writing so they actually understand what aspergers is but no... I bet they didn't even bother reading it.

From my point of view with aspergers, I just feel you need someone who shows they understand how the disability is effecting you and you need support, and to show that they care, not saying that it's all up to you to solve. Not to make you feel lonely and isolated, and not to moan at them. I didn't understand what they even meant when they were talking to me because of the type of communication used!

Any suggestions on how I can actually get them to understand me so I can communicate with them properly? Although I think it's hopeless anyway, Just posting my feelings on here to make me feel better because I think no one understands me anyway.

Edit: I like how she just changed her tone of voice towards me and told me to cheer up and be happier just now when she's the one what causes me to be sad and depressed in the first place

  • oh boy, does this sound familar.

    i was first suspected of being on the autistic spectrum when i was about 6, but my parents decided not to get a full formal diagnosis because they felt that if i knew i might try and milk it for sympathy. this ment i went through almighty hell during the later years of primary and all of secondary school as being noticably different from other kids but without any kind of understanding of why. i literally didn't have a clue what autism or aspergers even were until i was at the introduction meeting for my college course, the tutor interveiwing us asks if i have any disabilities or similar conditions that may effect me on the course, and my mother just comes out with it out of thin air, leaving me confused. on the car journey home all of the above came out and i was told that now i was 16, they felt i could "be trusted to be sensible" and we got the formal diagnosis later that year. i never complained to them about their choices in my early life, but not sure i've ever quite forgiven them for it either.

    of course, now, 5 years on from the diagnosis, i've moved out, i'm a university student, but my parents don't seem to take it seriously. they way they act about my aspergers you'd think its a condition i can overcome simply by trying hard enough, particularly my mother who refers to my aspergers as a "card" to play to gain benifit support. it seems that it only affects me when it can be used to disaude me from doing something. if for example i'm planning to take a trip, it used to be "might not be a good idea because of your aspergers". but if to use an example, i needed to make a phonecall about arranging driving lessons which was something i really felt i couldn't do, i was told to stop being silly and get on with it.

    i don't doubt my parents do ultimately care, but growing up with their attitude basicly being "his condition can be overcome if we don't tell him till he is 16, but still shout at him for every little thing he does, even when he doesn't know why he did, or understand, for reasons that retrospectively can be linked to the condition we didn't bother telling him about, he'll be able to get over it" was less than helpful.

  • i think i have an asperger, i was suspicious for several years since i read about it for the first time. i am 35 now. i am relatively happy, independent, etc. but still suffer some unneccessary conflicts with others who do not understand me or because they have their own personal issues, like today. 

    my strategy to get rid of the annoying environment is to move out of parents house. you said you work so i guess you are an adult now and you can lead an independent life on your own. it will not be that comfortable and it may become challenging and expensive, but that is what i did. when i am away from home i am a friend with my parents, but as soon as i pay them a visit, we have an argument the same day. it is better to stay away. 

    i also like playing video games, whether on the pc or the mobile. but i am not mad about them. i have many other interests, like gardening. that does a miracle to the mind and also the body. you should try something like this to balance your life. once i used to play hidden object games and adventure games almost every day. now i hardly bother as they appear all the same now. i find them boring. and i am not interested in fights and strategies. is it a sign that i am an asperger or not? i am really thinking of being tested for it to know for sure. i am so interested in my subject i am currently studying that i come into conflicts with others when they talk about something which just touches my subject and i have a lot of factual information ready to offer them - just to bore them or something while i thought they would appreciate a little knowledge and understanding. 

    as i said, i have moved from the house, i have my own life, i am pretty capable of taking good care of myself and i became annoyed when others in my place leave mess or produce smells when cooking, not mentioning the school next to our house which produces so much noise i feel like a prisoner in my place because the windows have to be shut to have some peace. i cannot wait to graduate and move to a different place.

    i think it would help better if you not only thought about yourself and your needs but tried to understand the needs of others (i am able to do it to some extend). i find myself pretty flexible with approach to people but i still struggle with some aspects of the social life, exactly as some cases explained on the main page here. 

    my mother was always complaining that i did not help around, but she is a perfectionist and wants things done her way (is she one of us? haha). while moaning about me not doing anything she actually did not let me to do much or did not openly say please go to do this. she expected me to know what needs to be done and then complained that i did not care, etc. since i have moved out i am doing pretty well and i sometimes think that i am a weaker version of her actually. i can keep the place tidy and organized, do things around me, i am technical but i also do the women stuff (i am a female). 

    ok, i blended my reply with my own story, which i should have rather posted into the topic dedicated for this. but never mind, this was just to illustrate how others cope with things. but perhaps i have a very mild version of asperger. or ... i dont know.  someone tell me...

  • Maybe your mum could do a rota for scheduled slots where you give her a hand in the house here and there, with the understanding that you have the rest of your time to chill out and de-stress.  I don't think asking you to sort out other people's things like their computer should be part of it though.  It's different if it's family but if it's one of your parent's friends or acquaintances that's not very fair offering your "services" out like that without checking it's OK with you first.

  • You need to explain more to your parents to give them a chance to understand.  If they don't know what you are feeling because you contain it all then you are not giving them a chance to know.  A lot of people are ignorant about autism.  They are probably genuinely confused.  Explain that it's a neurological disorder and you can't change the way you are, it's lifelong.  Explain that what they see as normal things cause you problems.  I am a bit confused as to the Wikipedia page in Chinese writing, do you mean that you are Chinese or am I misunderstanding something here?  Sometimes however, even when you have explained to people they still won't understand, you cannot change their mindset, and you must be prepared for this.  If it causes you so much distress, perhaps you ought to look at moving out of home.