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Feel like the worst parent ever

NAS68972

Hi. So my son who is 12 and autistic needs to have two of his adult teeth removed and two fillings. He’s struggled with every aspect of brushing his teeth over the years and has had huge meltdowns to the point were he has lashed out and injured me. The issues with teeth brushing started around 8 years old. I’m autistic myself and hate brushing my one teeth (although I make sure i do twice daily) so I understand why my son struggles but it’s been horrendous. I’ve spent a small fortune over the years on various different brushes manual and electric and have bought lots of different types of toothpastes including foamless/flavourless but nothing worked. He is under a dental hospital as he lashed out at our family dentist, ran off several times, refused to open his mouth etc so our dentist essentially  washed his hands of him. Only since being told that he’d need to have teeth removed has my son got slightly better at brushing his teeth. Although he is demand avoidant so he still tries to avoid it but eventually he will do them. I have two older children who don’t have so much as a filling in their mouths and deep down I know I have tried my absolute best with my son yet I still feel like a failure as a mother. I keep over thinking it constantly and can’t shake the anxiety over him having teeth removed. I have an adult tooth missing (not due to not brushing) that I lost in my early 30’s and I hate the gap that it has left as it makes me feel self conscious so I feel terrible that my son might feel the same way. 

Parents

  • My parents were worse, so you have nothing to be ashamed of.

    I had five teeth taken out in one session under general anesthesia when I was 18.  That's how bad my situation was, since then I haven't lost a tooth in 40 years because I have been looking after my own dental health and ignoring my parents.

    My mother was to blame for my dental health or lack off.  She lost all her teeth when she was in her mid thirties so she was determined that my teeth would be well looked after, unfortunately she was the last person who should give advice about looking after teeth.  As a child I was dragged around supermarkets by my mother who insisted that I only buy and use Extra hard bristle toothbrushes, not nylon Just bristle was insisted on.  The result was dirty teeth and bleeding damaged gums.

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  • My parents were worse, so you have nothing to be ashamed of.

    I had five teeth taken out in one session under general anesthesia when I was 18.  That's how bad my situation was, since then I haven't lost a tooth in 40 years because I have been looking after my own dental health and ignoring my parents.

    My mother was to blame for my dental health or lack off.  She lost all her teeth when she was in her mid thirties so she was determined that my teeth would be well looked after, unfortunately she was the last person who should give advice about looking after teeth.  As a child I was dragged around supermarkets by my mother who insisted that I only buy and use Extra hard bristle toothbrushes, not nylon Just bristle was insisted on.  The result was dirty teeth and bleeding damaged gums.

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