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Feel like the worst parent ever

NAS68972

Hi. So my son who is 12 and autistic needs to have two of his adult teeth removed and two fillings. He’s struggled with every aspect of brushing his teeth over the years and has had huge meltdowns to the point were he has lashed out and injured me. The issues with teeth brushing started around 8 years old. I’m autistic myself and hate brushing my one teeth (although I make sure i do twice daily) so I understand why my son struggles but it’s been horrendous. I’ve spent a small fortune over the years on various different brushes manual and electric and have bought lots of different types of toothpastes including foamless/flavourless but nothing worked. He is under a dental hospital as he lashed out at our family dentist, ran off several times, refused to open his mouth etc so our dentist essentially  washed his hands of him. Only since being told that he’d need to have teeth removed has my son got slightly better at brushing his teeth. Although he is demand avoidant so he still tries to avoid it but eventually he will do them. I have two older children who don’t have so much as a filling in their mouths and deep down I know I have tried my absolute best with my son yet I still feel like a failure as a mother. I keep over thinking it constantly and can’t shake the anxiety over him having teeth removed. I have an adult tooth missing (not due to not brushing) that I lost in my early 30’s and I hate the gap that it has left as it makes me feel self conscious so I feel terrible that my son might feel the same way. 

Parents

  • You’ve done your best. And it’s worth noting that even those who brush twice a day can get cavities. Comparing to your other children also isn’t helpful. Everyone’s mouth is different. Let the dentist do their work, and try not  to show your  anxiety regarding the extractions. It really is a painless process these days whether awake or otherwise. Recovery time is very quick too.  And I feel that once this done, your son might decide to put a bit more effort in.

    Regarding things to try, does he use mouthwash? They can be strong tasting but not all. How about flossing? Aside from brushing, flossing is very important. There are some little rubber brushes which can be gently slid into the area where the tooth meets the gum, and of course, regular floss picks, string and tape. Is he unable to brush with a finger and charcoal for example? 

    Have you considered a bridge or implant? They can do wonders for your confidence, let alone your smile. Don’t assume that your son will also feel the way you do. I know many autistic people who have lost teeth, and just accept it. All will become clear once he has healed. Try not to worry or blame yourself. 

Reply

  • You’ve done your best. And it’s worth noting that even those who brush twice a day can get cavities. Comparing to your other children also isn’t helpful. Everyone’s mouth is different. Let the dentist do their work, and try not  to show your  anxiety regarding the extractions. It really is a painless process these days whether awake or otherwise. Recovery time is very quick too.  And I feel that once this done, your son might decide to put a bit more effort in.

    Regarding things to try, does he use mouthwash? They can be strong tasting but not all. How about flossing? Aside from brushing, flossing is very important. There are some little rubber brushes which can be gently slid into the area where the tooth meets the gum, and of course, regular floss picks, string and tape. Is he unable to brush with a finger and charcoal for example? 

    Have you considered a bridge or implant? They can do wonders for your confidence, let alone your smile. Don’t assume that your son will also feel the way you do. I know many autistic people who have lost teeth, and just accept it. All will become clear once he has healed. Try not to worry or blame yourself. 

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