One of those weeks

Hi All,

This is my first post. 

I am atill awaiting my appointment with CAMHS for a Diagnostic Assesment etc.  and I have enjoyed reading all of your posts.  I've found myself at ease here, just reading things after a testing day.

This week has just been exhausting:

  • Worrying
  • Worrying about worrying
  • Getting angry at worrying about worrying
  • General anxiety about ever thing and every noise especially
  • Hypervigillence - who is that?  Why are they there and why are hey making a noise?
  • Tinnitis? or is it not tinnitis?  maybe it's not tinnitis and it's just me!  Or maybe I am going deaf.  Yep.  It's me.  Drama Queen. Again.
  • Ear worms - constant blinkin songs!  When I'm sixty four by The Beatles...and Life's a gas by T-Rex.  Over and over. Thanks brain!
  • Catastrophising.  Why? Why can't a problem be just a problem and why do I see Armageddon in everything!
  • Why people are liars. Why they are not liars and it's me at fault.
  • Uni - work.  I can't do this.... I can do this!  Then angry about feeling anxious about it....
  • ..but what if I fail.  What if they see I am not clever enough or think I am a fake.  I should stick to easy things.
  • Stupid invasive thoughts.  I am trying to write an essay on Addiction and end up being sidelined by American Baseball.  I've never been to a game or seen a game fully but hey!  lets buy a baseball shirt off Ebay... just because....

I wonder what it is really like to relax and not be sabotaged by yourself.

My impulsiveness is off the scale today.

Shame id don't feel like that about dusting Smiley