Approaching a dual referral ASD/ADHD

Hi

If you’ve been referred to the ASD and ADHD waiting lists note that they are crazy long and it could be up to 2 years before you’re assessed. I’m not saying this to scare you off. Just that you likely have lots of time to work out how to approach your family with questions. 

I was diagnosed last year, first with ADHD (psychiatry-uk) then with autism (by a psychologist within the mental health services). 

I have a similar experience to you as in I can barely remember anything about being a kid. I found out when asking my mam for examples of my childhood that she also didn’t remember much! I’m 31, so I think the ADHD and poor memory comes into play here. I think my mam has ADHD and my dad autism, not diagnosed. My main memory (more a feeling) is of knowing I was different from a really young age. 

I would say just act on impulse and dive in talking to your family about it! I think I did, when something is on my mind loads I can’t help but ramble on about it! I would suggest approaching your mam or siblings first as they may be more open minded. (Just going from experience with my own dad being very closed off about everything!)
My parents still struggle with understanding how the whole neuro divergence thing works - I still get the ‘well everyone does that’ comments. My mam is getting better at understanding it all but yeah I’m not going to lie I did find it hard to say out loud to everyone. I think it can be hard for parents as they may feel a sense of guilt or shame. Guilt of potentially passing it on to their kids. The shame of the labels as there’s still a lot of stigma and stereotyping around adhd and autism. The generational difference too, my parents are in their late fifties and we’re brought up to ignore everything and just ‘get on with it’. 

I’ve found the more I’ve researched about adhd and autism myself the better I understand myself and am able to communicate it better with others. 

For the ADHD assessment I had my husband answer some questions. The autism assessment required a parent to answer questions though wasn’t mandatory. 

Sorry my answer is all over the place! Hope it helps 

Bex Morse

Hi BexMorse Sinclair ZX80

Thank you so much for your detailed responses. I sort of zoned out when my Gp was explaining the next steps  and how long the referral could take, I think it was a bit overwhelming talking about so many feelings etc which I’m not used to doing so I only caught the bit where she said she would be writing a letter on my behalf. 

Probably most of the fragments of memories from my childhood are related to school.

• Sent out from a lot of my classes in primary school. (Getting promoted/relegated sets often) 
• year 5/6 (going to a weekly after school class in a secondary school with 5 or so other students learning about magnets/robotics type stuff) possibly G&T class?
• secondary school getting sent out of a lot of my classes 
• getting promoted/relegated from maths/science and English quite often (usually would get a phone call home to my parent.. they would make me sit at the front I’d get promoted then after certain amount of time I’d go back to bad habits)
• never done homework unless I got a phone call home from work and parents sat with me
• passed GCSE all C’s I think? Sat all lower level papers due to coursework etc 
• left 6th form 3 months in due to getting sent out of lesson all the time for talking 
• passed my electrical installation course top 3 of the class although a teacher nicknamed me sleeping beauty as I used to play video games until 2-3 then go in to class and fall asleep (I’m not proud of this btw just explaining from what I remember)

One thing that resonates with me is my mum told my partner a story not too long ago from when I was in primary school that I forgot. One day I refused to go to school/had a big tantrum she had to drag me with my brothers help the whole way which was probably about 800 yards then I sat at the entrance and refused to go in/move. My mother told my brother to get the head mistress which he did when she arrived my mum said I just stopped crying shot up and ran in to school like everything was normal.

I also mentioned to the GP I thought it was more ADHD as I don’t really have any routines or stuff that flusters me. Although my partner says I have 0 emotion which I think I 100% do I just probably don’t show it. 

also after watching light hearted videos could routines be the little things? 

• I only use the little tea spoon to eat cake 
• I check which fork I use as we have some skinner forks which doesn’t fit as much food on
• if I have a chocolate muffin I eat it upside down (you have to save the best until last obviously!)

Think I’ve gone a bit off topic now  guess what I’m trying to say is I've lasted 30+ years with no one ever noticing although I’ve definitely had a lot of internal struggles. I feel like I dunno what’s me and what’s not, is it me just trying to relate to stuff after I’ve done all my research? It’s all just very confusing. 

I totally relate to your school experience!

I had to be put in detention to do coursework and homework because I ‘refused’ to do it - it wasn’t refusal I literally could not get myself to focus outside of the school setting! I even opted to do extra exams instead of coursework for some classes. 
I was labelled as one of the ‘gifted’ kids in school and honestly caused me so much anxiety. The pressure was unreal. Because I couldn’t focus to study at home the classes I wasn’t really interested in I got much lower grades than I was predicted to get. 

A lot of the school stuff you’ve mentioned to me sounds very ADHD. Moving up and down the sets often I’m guessing due to you not living up to the potential the teachers saw in you.  It makes me sad as these are signs that a student needs extra support! 

The excessive talking and ‘disrupting’ of class may have been due to lack of stimulation and interest in the subject  I used to get told off for doodling and writing song lyrics in my books but I realise now that I was doing it to help me stay focused.

I struggle with routines too  I need things to be new and novel and it helps me focus and have motivation - but only if I’m in control of it. I struggle with transition and change like my husband works 2 shifts - days and lates - I struggle every Monday when it changes even though I know what to expect and it’s been this way for years! 

Definitely write yourself a big list of your symptoms and traits that you feel are adhd/asd related. Write about your emotions too as it’ll be easier to show someone the list than say out loud. Show the list to your GP, psychiatrist and maybe even your mam. I find when I get asked about myself I instantly forget everything then kick myself later at things I should’ve said! 

It’s 100% worth you being assessed for both. With the ADHD you can use the nhs right to choose and ask to be referred to psychiatry-uk - give it a google and see what it’s about. 
I think with what you saying about like social media apps and their autistic and adhd videos; yes some are helpful, just be mindful of how real they are. I know people make daft videos for likes and attention or whatever and the information mightn’t be helpful or correct if you know what I mean. Just to clarify it’s like the people saying if you can hear a specific sound separate from other sounds then you had adhd and if you take x amount of herbs and supplements you’ll be cured kind of thing!
Coby Watts on Instagram is good, he touches on mental health too like anxiety and depression which are so intertwined with autism and ADHD. 

Connor de Wolfe is really good too, his videos are very detailed and informative about the autistic and adhd experience 

Matt Raekelboom is cool too and he explains why we feel the way we do and why we struggle with certain things and what we can do to help.

The mini adhd coach is great and they sell books with adhd diagnostic questions on where you and your partner and family can write in.

And yeah I also only use little spoons, my boy’s cutlery haha, I bought our cutlery and they had to have my specific requirements. Muffins taste better eaten from the bottom up!

Sorry didn’t realise how much I had written!

Sorry for the late reply as your response was very informative and really helpful! 

Ah yes! I can definitely relate to getting in trouble for doodling. The best way I can explain the  “What was you like at school?” Question is “I was never a bad child, I just used to find myself getting into trouble” as I’d never intentionally do any harm or treat anyone unfairly but I was always the one spending a lot of my time outside of classrooms whether that was being the unintentional smart ass or the cheeky one I can’t fully remember.

Change is definitely a symptom for me but it’s a funny one for instance when moving sites for my new job I had a “wobbler” 2 weeks prior for a week as I was walking into something totally unfamiliar but after a week I got over it in my head and was completely fine then even though I’d yet to leave my current job yet.

im currently working my way through some of the videos from the references you’ve left and they’re just what I needed thank you! I’m currently listening to an audiobook “Driven to distraction” possibly the best neuro diverse one I’ve listened to yet.

I’m glad you’ve done all your research and are figuring out what works best for you! Especially as some days your ADHD might be a bit more prominent and vice versa but you explain it all so eloquently so thank you. 

Sorry for the late reply as your response was very informative and really helpful! 

Ah yes! I can definitely relate to getting in trouble for doodling. The best way I can explain the  “What was you like at school?” Question is “I was never a bad child, I just used to find myself getting into trouble” as I’d never intentionally do any harm or treat anyone unfairly but I was always the one spending a lot of my time outside of classrooms whether that was being the unintentional smart ass or the cheeky one I can’t fully remember.

Change is definitely a symptom for me but it’s a funny one for instance when moving sites for my new job I had a “wobbler” 2 weeks prior for a week as I was walking into something totally unfamiliar but after a week I got over it in my head and was completely fine then even though I’d yet to leave my current job yet.

im currently working my way through some of the videos from the references you’ve left and they’re just what I needed thank you! I’m currently listening to an audiobook “Driven to distraction” possibly the best neuro diverse one I’ve listened to yet.

I’m glad you’ve done all your research and are figuring out what works best for you! Especially as some days your ADHD might be a bit more prominent and vice versa but you explain it all so eloquently so thank you.