Published on 12, July, 2020
Went to the cinema last night, I’m the easy one to spot, I’m the one who sits turned away from the person next to them, I sort of sit on one side of me, can manage my wife sitting on my other side. Having a stranger sitting next to me for three hours has left me drained. I haven’t been able to talk yet, We came home last night, my wife went to bed, I had to sit on my own with my arms wrapped around the sides of my head. I feel like my ‘ spidey senses’ are in overdrive.
Its always been the same, trains and theatre cause the same affect. The underground is worse, I struggle to understand how having people near to me is so draining. It’s like they are radioactive and pulling the energy out of me, I know I’m going to have to mask heavily this morning so not to cause an argument with my wife and make it all about me. Is this something that anyone else relates to, or is it just weird me?
I commuted in London for over 10 years. After daily panic attacks, development of IBD, and a breakdown, I conceded it wasn't for me!!
I then got diagnosed. So now all makes sense.
I've been trying to get myself to go back to London ever since, just to visit, but it seems I can't even force myself to get on a train (or travelling prison cells as I know them to be) because of the clostraphobia.
I have to remind myself that humans where never meant to travel overland by train, or underground on the tube. We should be outdoors, free, and not pressed against 100 other people with cold&flu at 8am on a Monday morning.
We aren't the strange ones here