No purpose

Hi I'm new here.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 10 and my life since becoming an adult is all over the place. I'm 26 in a week's time and I've literally got no purpose and no point. I'm here but I don't know what for. I can't work, I've tried but I can't cope. Each time I try I end up in a mental health hospital and it takes an age to get home again. I have supportive parents but constant family arguing I.E my brothers causes upset and makes home life not so good. I spend all my time in my bedroom listening to music or playing the guitar. Music, singers, bands and instruments are my special interest. I am OBSESSED with music in every way! Sadly no one but my dad is in to music like me but we're slowly drifting apart. I've always found talking to them and people in general hard. It's getting worse and I'm hardly saying anything now. Talking makes me uneasy, it's common in autism I've read that but it still is awkward for me and everyone else.

I'm a big fan of Lego, Star Wars, Doctor Who all sci-fi and supernatural stuff. I like horror books and tv. I also like singing, I've been told I have a good voice.

Going out isn't for me. I get terrible anxiety, panic attacks, meltdowns and shutdowns. I try to stay in, maybe go out for a quiet walk on my own sometimes. I've been reading and writing for a few years, I'd hoped I could make a living at that but it's never gone anywhere. I struggle with finishing what I start with my writing. I've worked on so many projects but never finished one.

I've got no friends and that doesn't really bother me but all my brothers do and it kind of burns being the only one who doesn't.

I just wish I had something off my own.

    But instead I'm here but not really doing anything.

I'm grateful for life and the family I've got but I wish I could be better than I am.