Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I'm new here.
I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 10 and my life since becoming an adult is all over the place. I'm 26 in a week's time and I've literally got no purpose and no point. I'm here but I don't know what for. I can't work, I've tried but I can't cope. Each time I try I end up in a mental health hospital and it takes an age to get home again. I have supportive parents but constant family arguing I.E my brothers causes upset and makes home life not so good. I spend all my time in my bedroom listening to music or playing the guitar. Music, singers, bands and instruments are my special interest. I am OBSESSED with music in every way! Sadly no one but my dad is in to music like me but we're slowly drifting apart. I've always found talking to them and people in general hard. It's getting worse and I'm hardly saying anything now. Talking makes me uneasy, it's common in autism I've read that but it still is awkward for me and everyone else.
I'm a big fan of Lego, Star Wars, Doctor Who all sci-fi and supernatural stuff. I like horror books and tv. I also like singing, I've been told I have a good voice.
Going out isn't for me. I get terrible anxiety, panic attacks, meltdowns and shutdowns. I try to stay in, maybe go out for a quiet walk on my own sometimes. I've been reading and writing for a few years, I'd hoped I could make a living at that but it's never gone anywhere. I struggle with finishing what I start with my writing. I've worked on so many projects but never finished one.
I've got no friends and that doesn't really bother me but all my brothers do and it kind of burns being the only one who doesn't.
I just wish I had something off my own.
But instead I'm here but not really doing anything.
I'm grateful for life and the family I've got but I wish I could be better than I am.
Welcome to the community and I just want to say I'm sorry you feel like this and I want to say you're not alone. Honestly most of my day is spent listening to music and I love writing too and I relate to not finishing projects - there's probably fifty stories of mine that were abandoned! If walks are nice maybe try and go on one everyday especially to someone nice like a park or something? Take your earphones with you and get lost in the music and the fresh air and walking might help you clear your head. You don't need to be better - you are already amazing and you don't know what the future holds! I know that sounds so cliche but some people don't know what they want to do with their lives until they're a lot older - my dad didn't find his passion until he was sixty! I'm nearly 24 and I don't know what I'm doing with my life and I know it's a scary feeling but we're not the only ones: most people are just muddling their way through life and hoping everything works out. Please don't be so hard on yourself - you seem like a lovely person and you've got interests and passions which is more than some people do and I think more important than a lot of things people value! It makes you unique and interesting to talk to! You will make friends possibly in places and ways you don't expect - I didn't really have any friends at school or uni but you will find people who get you especially people on here! You have many talents and are a valuable part of this world so please don't feel bad about yourself. We're grateful to have you here (ps sorry for the ramble oops)
Aspen Thank you.
I just worked out how to tag people.
It's good to know I'm not on my own and I don't mean that like I'm glad others find it hard. It's just good to know I'm not on my own,
that makes a difference to me. Good suggestion, thank you. I've been meaning to try and go for more walks. It's been cooler and that's put me off but it's about time I got out a bit more. I'll be anxious but with my headphones and music I should be ok.
Thank you for the encouragement.