Reverse SAD

I love the winter.

The cooler weather, darker days... If only it could be winter all the time.

You're not insane. We're normal :D

Thanks so much for expressing so well and in such detail your own experience of this phenomenon. I also worry about that ‘seeing a contrarian’ factor, or people thinking that I don’t like anything about spring or summer. It’s more about having to navigate them carefully to get something out of them, but feeling freed up again by the onset of Autumn to not overthink the endless day or feel saturated into exhaustion by its relentlessly spreading diffuse borders. 
 
Having said that, the grimmest part of Spring -it’s harsh birth pains- have yielded to the mellower end, which helps albeit that there’s already a bit too little night for my personal liking. It’s a nice evening to look out at just now. Clear, not overly bright, the birds singing. So it’s pleasant enough and I deeply appreciate its beauty. But I’m an autumn and winter person at heart, I have an autumnal soul. As, it seems, do you 

Hey. I was actually told by my GP that she thought I had what sounded like reverse SAD before getting my autism diagnosis. I was lucky and had a really astute doctor who recognised the patterns of heightened anxiety, depression and burnout I got around this time of year and encouraged me to seek support when this occurred - medication, additional counselling, whatever the NHS could feasibly offer. One year, things being more catastrophic than usual, she started to piece together a few things and suggested a referral for an autism assessment, if I was keen. I've since invested in black out blinds for my flat and try to maintain some degree of winter darkness throughout the year in at least one room of my flat (there are two, if you don't count the bathroom!) so I can retreat when I need to. Last summer I lived with blackout blinds in both rooms for a number of weeks. I could still access sunlight if I wished, by going outside, but I had sensory managed space, when it became too much. It supported my recovery massively, following a previous meltdown, and is something I stand by. For many years I had people telling me, out of support, that they thought the blackout blinds were increasing my depression, so I kept taking them down and then things would escalate again. Having them up continually has been a game changer. I don't like light generally, tend to thrive in darker spaces, something that I guess is part of my autism sensory profile. Any way, the diagnosis helped me explore with others why I might become overwhelmed, exhausted and often ill during the summer and I reckon, both for myself and the folks around me, has made it all easier to understand and accept! I fully get that sinking depression you describe and I recognise it can be tricky - I often think people reckon I'm a contrary pain in the *** for not feeling the same joy they feel at the change of the clocks around spring. Instead, I feel a sense of calm on the first of September and tend to organise my holidays between then and February. The weather suits me better and the summer holiday crowds have dispersed so I get to enjoy my holiday destination without other people and generally see places more on their own terms. Anyway, nice to hear from someone else who finds this a strange, off-kilter season to navigate. There are some points where it can be fun, I agree, but up here in north Scotland we have around 20 hours of sun at the high point of summer, which can feel like a lot. It's the start of May and it's already at 17.5 hours, which is plenty! It brings out crowds and noise and, from a visual perspective, does odd things to the landscape and colours in a fairly incessant way. Autumn and winter provide a reasonable amount of rest between daylight and the comfort of dark. Anyway, ramble over, just thought I'd add my tuppence. Yes, Reverse SAD. I think there's more folks out there than we reckon! Maybe...?

Shardovan said:

That's a very diplomatic silence, I think I have my answer

This post looks funny in retrospect - there must be a zillion replies by now! 

Actually my sister and one friend have independently told me that I am a Wills lookalike. Nobody else has ever said this to me, and I’ve deffo never seen anyone do a double take - well maybe in horror but not the ‘what’s he doing here?’ Kind. I’m certain if I went to a lookalike agency tomorrow and went ‘well this needs no explanation’ they’d say ‘I’m afraid it does sir, who the f are you supposed to be?’ And when I explain theyd go ‘do you mean after a very bad accident?’ And yet two people say I’m a dead ringer (I suspect based merely on ‘hair’ style and head shape) while literally nobody else has ever brought it up. I do share his extremely awkward body language and ‘please like me’ smile which is maybe part of the vibe. Shows how different our perceptions are. It’s all very peculiar. 

Aw, thanks Simon. 

Exquisite. 

I know. I’ve come to terms with my baldness a long time back (horrific at first, even as a bloke for it to start so early) so I joke freely about it now. I’ve still got my back and sides at least! If it’s good enough for Prince William…

Hip hip toupee

Luna said:

Keep strong hold of your umbrella if you go out :) 

I hate windy wet weather, always messes up my hair. 

Shard said: 'I promise you’ll be fine. Just enjoy watching the trees sway from your window. If there are trees. Or windows.'

I love you both. Your words of support will console me as my wig floats towards the heavens.

Oh sorry, I wasn't trying to be funny. X

Fair enough. One of my favourite things is that point in the year where I arrive at work in the dark and leave in it too. I’m not sure I can explain it. It’s just sensory I suppose. The dark comforts me more than the stark exposure of light. 

I wish I could say the same. 

I promise you’ll be fine. Just enjoy watching the trees sway from your window. If there are trees. Or windows. 

Keep strong hold of your umbrella if you go out :) 

I hate windy wet weather, always messes up my hair. 

I've thought about it a lot more recently, not in a bad suicidal way, I don't get those thoughts haven't in ages but my health is bad so I am curious.

Might end up being a young woman, in my bed, by the fire with a hot cup of tea (changed from cocoa because I realised I don't really like cocoa lol) who passes peacefully in her sleep dreaming of unicorns, depending how health problems go.

It's such a crazy surreal thing isn't it, knowing it'll happen one day but you don't know when, where or how. My mum used to say life's greatest adventure and mystery.

I don't know if this will sound bizarre, or not. Whilst I find longer days more convenient when I have the energy and motivation to tackle my jungle of a garden and can feel the benefits of getting a dose of Vitamin D from the sun, I do seem to prefer the shorter days during the winter months.

However, I know that if I was working, it would depress me if I was having to get up before it was light outside, and not returning home until after it had started to get dark.

You can't spell Matt Hancock without ***

i didn't read what you said but i do have sad because my gp said it yeah