Published on 12, July, 2020
Thanks to Number in another thread (root beer) I've been thinking of the many things I've just 'not got' and done wrong.
Usually the clue that I'm not 'getting it' is the look of wonder on the faces of other people.
I'm suspecting now this may be autism related.
There are countless examples during my life but here a few.
McDonalds: I don't really understand McDonalds and I don't spend time in them without another person.
My mum used to like them so I'd take her there for lunch sometimes.
One of the 1st times she asked me to collect a menu for her and some cutlery.
I couldn't understand why these weren't on the table.
So, I went to the counter and asked for these things.
After this initial trauma, I then had the trauma of trying to understand what you are supposed to eat off of and with.
Doh.
McDonalds is a particular thing with me I think.
I was with my autistic friend on our way back from visiting his mother and we went to a McD.
He asked me to get him a 'root beer'.
So, I asked for such at the counter only to be asked what that is.
I said 'I don't know' so no root beer was presented to my friend.
Another prime example is going to a spa and swimming baths in a hotel.
I'm not a swimmer or a spa goer.
So, the 1st thing I did was put my make-up on before going there.
Then, I couldn't understand how the lockers worked and had to get assistance.
Then, I eventually found the toilets but couldn't find my way back to the swimming pool so I walked through reception soaking wet in my swimming costume.
I was also in a church once when a service began and loads of people sat around me.
I had gone in there because I was in a strange city and cold and was using the church as a refuge.
I thought I could just sit there whilst the service took place.
I hadn't anticipated communion and although I'm not a Catholic or a church goer, and although I didn't understand what I was doing, I felt obliged to follow everyone up and take communion.
There are so many examples I won't continue.
Is it just me or are there other people here who just don't 'get it?'.
I've unsuccessfully tried to join in with social events but just don't get the conversational bit that's part of it. People walk away thinking I am stuck up because :
. I rely on others to "break the ice" and have extreme difficulty with finding common ground.
. I am self-conscious with admitting I have autism and don't view it as some sort of badge.
. I stand in amazement at others holding continuous conversation.
. I seldom respond appropriately.
What kind of events do you go to? I find I do fine with conversation in particular situations where I know people share an interest with me. e.g. at parkrun I can ask people "is this your local parkrun/have you done this event before/what did you think of that race whose t-shirt you're wearing" as an ice breaker and then they'll happily chat away about running. It's much harder at social events not based around an activity as I don't know what anyone's interests are!
U3A meetings are problematic for me. I've had a go at trying to join both the Lions and the Odd Fellows lodges as well. As soon as I do speak with my American accent people either:
A. Switch off and politely excuse themselves very shortly
B. Cautiously engage with where they may have visited
C. Enquire which part I come from
D. Totally ignore me, as with the Odd Fellows
E. I have to include this one: Having a Lions member take delight in saying he used to kill Americans in the Vietnam conflict (although I am a naturalised Brit with dual nationality)
Protracted over many years here, A,B,C,D, have been continuously repetitive. I have become very tired of these scenarios and do not have any social life which I have learned to tolerate. I'm not on a sympathy kick.
I just accept realities for what they are. One very large lesson I have learned is exactly how a person of colour feels, and who probably has received better treatment than a "Yank" who is considered "fair game" --- at least here in the Norfolk/Suffolk region. I know this sounds like I am feeling sorry for myself ---not true! I reiterate, above with an avoidance tactic. I recently retired from a one-man-band service business visiting customers. Two particular customers stand out in my memory. One woman was an American wife to a Brit who surrounded her house with small American flags stuck in the soil. The other was a woman who had a large American flag on a high flagpole in her front garden. I fully understood why these women found this kind of reaction necessary. A third memory springs to mind. My work took me to the far reaches of East Anglia. Somewhere in Bedfordshire I completed a job sub-contracting to a tree surgeon from that area. We were approached by an American guy making an enquiry about some tree work he needed. We were in a group of 4 people with one person in that group a bystander who happened to be a neighbour of that American who on the departure of the American found it necessary to say" I often take the piss out of him" I did not speak so he did not realise who I was. This just reinforced my reality of being considered "fair game". I do try to live up to the last line of Desiderata pinned to the wall behind my monitor despite these unfortunate and consistent events.
"Keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful and strive to be happy".
Got your message on my IPhone. Thanks for that. My hand is like a plate of ham too big for those fiddly buttons. Besides which I'm unfamiliar with replying to messages on Iphone. After playing around on it I finally got to READ your message! Once again thanks. Further to your message, my next-door neighbour explained to me the pitfalls of Masonic membership and why he "unsubscribed." I believe his description---generally speaking and not necessarily specific to the Mason's---is likely to be in keeping with your own experiences.
I'm glad to hear that NAS is proving good for you too. I certainly is working for me.
Yes, it was but I thought it appropriate to throw it in point E anyway! ___ "appropriate" is one of my rare moments!
Thanks for your input. I'm not one to tar everyone with the same brush. This crowd on NAS are the single greatest exception which is a welcomed relief.