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Wish my family was different

DukeDestroyer

My dad told the doctor that diagnosed me, that he hasn’t read anything on ASD and he’ll never will. He also thinks that I’m using ASD as a crutch and I have a defeatist attitude. He thinks that I am capable of working a full time job, not just a part time job.  He wants me to have benefits through a full time job. He even told me that he will not help me get disability benefits through the government. He told me that my mom is the one to help me with that. He’s not going to help me. He even shames me for taking care of my health and fitness, which is very strange. Something I never thought he’d do, since I chose to make my health and fitness a top priority. All because of my oldest sister doesn’t want to be healthy at all. And he shames her for her negligence to her health.

My mom thinks I’m capable of working full time as well. She hasn’t said anything about helping me get disability benefits. My dad is 75 and my mom is 70. I’m 39 and reading survival books just in case I don’t get disability benefits. At least I can fall back on the survival skills as a homeless when my parents pass away. It’s more than likely I’m going to become homeless once my parents pass away. Their is no way I’m going to living with either sister. Our relationships are beyond repair I already estranged my oldest sister. When both my parents are gone I’m going to estrange the middle one. In case you’re wondering they both estranged each other way back in 2006.

My middle sister just thinks I’m a high functioning sociopath and is just lazy like my older sister. My older sister is also disabled but she is not on the spectrum and she is even tried to murder our mom. Yet my parents continue to help live on her own. My parents even told me that they will not help me whatsoever if I ever move out. My oldest sister does have disability benefits and my both my parents helped her get them. It seems like my parents don’t care about helping me with my disability. When it comes to getting benefits.

Also I can’t use my right hand because I got a deep cut in it. It has stitches even. My boss at my work said to do my job as if my hand was fully healed. I told my dad about it and he sides with my boss. I don’t have a good relationship with my dad.

  • IrishinManchesterUK  I am sorry to learn of your very closed- and narrow-minded parents. I too came from a dysfunctional family. The main contributing factor was my dad although not through cruelty of any sort.  He was an Army soldier of WW2. He had a medical discharge owing nervous anxiety created by battle fatigue. It is a recognised fact a large portion of the baby boom generation (my generation) had grandparents affected by WW1. These affected grandparents created children who grew up to also become affected by WW2. They in turn gave birth to my baby boom generation, who in my opinion, a majority of which didn't stand a chance to be raised in a well-adjusted family environment. ASD is a genetically inherited condition however an epigenetic condition can result from traumatic events; (Epigenetics is the study of how your behaviours and environment can cause changes that affect the way your genes work. Unlike genetic changes, epigenetic changes are reversible and do not change your DNA sequence, but they can change how your body reads a DNA sequence.) I had the added irrational behaviour of a mother who could not accept my father's medical condition. This contributed to a great deal of family upset. I only raise this point as a possibility if applicable to your own parents' background. If this be the case, further understanding is required but, in all probability, will not --- in itself --- improve your situation.

  • My ASD has screwed me over. I wasn’t diagnosed till I was 30. I thought so many things would happen in my 20’s that never happened. I think ASD is more of a punishment than anything else, like I did something in a past life. And I’m getting punished for it. The only good thing about my ASD is that I have above average intelligence. I certainly thought that would be my saving Grace.

  • I’ve had similar attitudes from my family back home in my native Republic of Ireland, even before my later-in-life diagnosis here in the U.K., at age 52, where I’ve lived in the U.K. for 20 years, where I grew up in a little Irish village in Rural Ireland - most of my family are traditional Irish Catholics like myself, who both point-blank refuse to understand the condition, even though they pushed me towards a diagnosis in 2019, they maintain to this day that my Autism developed because my parents did not use strict enough and harsh enough parental discipline on me as a child, twisting around Catholic social teachings for this to mean sufficient levels of corporal punishment in childhood, they believe that I need to have a live in carer (preferably in thier view a Catholic priest or nun) to provide the level of ultra strict discipline that they maintain is essential to managing my condition in every aspect of my life and at every level, on every issue, as they believe that people like me should be “seen but not heard” - before my diagnosis, they automatically screamed at me to “cop myself on” and to “be quiet” whenever I attempted to form, have or express any opinions on any issue, as not only was there disagreement for its own sake in my particular case, but they also maintained that I must not be permitted to do so because I “don’t know anything about anything” and “don’t understand that I’m wrong” regardless and no matter the issue, by default - this remains the case to this very day, as they believe that they have to be “cruel to be kind” and it is “for my own good” 

  • Igor inspired to learn those skills from another fellow on the spectrum.

  • When the Pupils are ready, the Teacher appears.

    Keep learning survival skills. 

  • Hi, great to hear from you. My dad was killed in a coal mining accident when I was 4. I had several step fathers who were shockers. Because of this I am not the best to advise you or pass judgement on your family. 
    I was fortunate and found a job I loved and used it to work my way out of a very bad situation. I also sought other outlets for my ASD brain to engage successfully with. 
    I have great sympathy and empathy with your predicament. Try to find your own strategy for success in a world where only around 2% of humans think within our spectrum. In the right work environment ASD skills are invaluable to employers. 
    kindest regards