Dating Autistic man - Rigid communication hurts my feelings - would love some advice?

I am an autistic man married to an allistic woman. Information in some senses is more important to autistics than to allistics, we are out of the loop for social interactions for a lot of the time, so information looms larger in our estimation. Your partner has obviously read about the diminishing of female fertility after the late 20s, this is information and it is not impacted on by consideration of your feelings as much as would be the case for a non-autistic man. There are positives, however, he is obviously keen on having children, which is good, if you are also. Plus he is obviously wanting to have children with you in particular. The best way of countering his 'information' is not with emotional appeals, but with other information about how women can remain fertile into their 40s - always back up assertions with evidence.

If an autistic person tells you that they love you, they then feel no need to repeat the statement. Allistic people actively maintain relationships, while autistic people think of relationships, once established, as being static. When your partner says that you have discussed something already, he is not being obtuse or manipulative, he genuinely believes that this is the case.

thanks Martin - just for clarity, we discussed facts on fertility. Women don't decline as fast as the media portrays - i learned everything when I froze my eggs and it also depends on every person individually. You need to do a blood test for example to test for something called AMH to start that tells a lot about that specific woman. I explained all of this - not "emotions" I told him factually - I have the fertility profile of someone in their early-mid twenties + I froze eggs. On top of all of this, his own mother had him at 43 and so he must know it's possible because he's living proof of it. I lay out facts for him and he will still later come back with the same argument almost as if he didn't believe me or didn't listen to me it feels. This happens multiple times - I'll think we are discussing something in detail and later he will just say it again. On the flip side, when its an emotional topic he wants to avoid, if I am the one that wants to continue discussing - normally when he says something he should not have - he will stonewall with "We already talked" its like he has these lines he draws on things and there is NO moving them even when presented with facts. 

Can I ask though - regarding the already discussing bit - what if your wife were to explain that for her, she's still upset about the topic and wants to continue discussing - would you engage then? In my case, I can tell him, I am still hurt from what's happened and want to continue talking but it's this stonewall response of "We already talked for hours. We already did it." then silence. Nothing penetrates that - no amount of me being upset or explaining why im not done speaking - he just shuts down with certain topics that make him uncomfortable. 

thanks Martin - just for clarity, we discussed facts on fertility. Women don't decline as fast as the media portrays - i learned everything when I froze my eggs and it also depends on every person individually. You need to do a blood test for example to test for something called AMH to start that tells a lot about that specific woman. I explained all of this - not "emotions" I told him factually - I have the fertility profile of someone in their early-mid twenties + I froze eggs. On top of all of this, his own mother had him at 43 and so he must know it's possible because he's living proof of it. I lay out facts for him and he will still later come back with the same argument almost as if he didn't believe me or didn't listen to me it feels. This happens multiple times - I'll think we are discussing something in detail and later he will just say it again. On the flip side, when its an emotional topic he wants to avoid, if I am the one that wants to continue discussing - normally when he says something he should not have - he will stonewall with "We already talked" its like he has these lines he draws on things and there is NO moving them even when presented with facts. 

Can I ask though - regarding the already discussing bit - what if your wife were to explain that for her, she's still upset about the topic and wants to continue discussing - would you engage then? In my case, I can tell him, I am still hurt from what's happened and want to continue talking but it's this stonewall response of "We already talked for hours. We already did it." then silence. Nothing penetrates that - no amount of me being upset or explaining why im not done speaking - he just shuts down with certain topics that make him uncomfortable. 

that's helpful thank you! I often tell my bf that this isn't a competition and no-one is right or wrong for example when he says "I already said it" He says it with a tone of "Im right - We did this" and I have to explain, that should not matter - all that matters is, im still upset - not that you win on being right about having said it already, if that makes sense? Same thing with the fertility stuff - he can be presented with facts and he can't admit the information presented to him changes what he thought was true and it makes me feel so frustrated because for me I am thinking "If actual facts won't change your mind, what will?" But I don't want to "win" I just want to progress. Thank you for your reply and Merry Christmas!

Each autistic person is individual, and behaves individually. I feel social pressures, once I recognise them, very intensely. As far as an autistic person can be, I'm a people-pleaser. I am always open to discussion about anything, with anyone. It goes without saying, however, that I think I am right most of the time.