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Lost my mum but feeling guilty about being relieved.

NAS65321

Hi lost my mum on November 24th, she was 83 and had been going down hill for a while. We had her funeral on Tuesday and I now just feel totally relieved that she has gone. I hated having to give up a big chunk of my weekend to see her. Maybe its my ASD brain but I felt I had to see her even though I had no interest in doing so. I now have my weekends back, I have plenty of money for once and I have zero responsibilities in the world. Never wanted kids, just me and the wife who is responsible for herself. 

It really started 3 years ago when mum started having lots of falls and my dad (who probably had ASD) became her carer, which he hated. He died of Covid in 2020 and I had to sort out a care home, clear the house etc. Since then I have had a massive burden and anxiety. I feel happy for the first time in 3 years, I am back to my normal self, but I feel guilty as I have no specific anxiety other than that around day to day life. I talked at her funeral and did not shed a single tear. Is there something else wrong with me or is it just ASD? Anybody else had a similar experience.

Rob

Parents

  • Greif actually takes on many forms and can come out in unexpected ways at unexpected times. My partner has recently gone through a similar experience, and felt relieved, and wondered if he was wrong to feel that way but he isn't and you aren't either. Sometimes I think we don't realise it but we are also relieved for the person who has passed away. The last few months can be so dreadful and prolonged I think secretly we are also relieved that they do not suffer anymore either. But also this is you feeling happy because you have closure now. And you can have the closure now because you probably already did most of your grieving in a slow and steady way begining with when she started to have the falls, because as my partner put it "I already knew it was an innevitability sooner or later and had accepted it long before she died".

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  • Greif actually takes on many forms and can come out in unexpected ways at unexpected times. My partner has recently gone through a similar experience, and felt relieved, and wondered if he was wrong to feel that way but he isn't and you aren't either. Sometimes I think we don't realise it but we are also relieved for the person who has passed away. The last few months can be so dreadful and prolonged I think secretly we are also relieved that they do not suffer anymore either. But also this is you feeling happy because you have closure now. And you can have the closure now because you probably already did most of your grieving in a slow and steady way begining with when she started to have the falls, because as my partner put it "I already knew it was an innevitability sooner or later and had accepted it long before she died".

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