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Lost my mum but feeling guilty about being relieved.

NAS65321

Hi lost my mum on November 24th, she was 83 and had been going down hill for a while. We had her funeral on Tuesday and I now just feel totally relieved that she has gone. I hated having to give up a big chunk of my weekend to see her. Maybe its my ASD brain but I felt I had to see her even though I had no interest in doing so. I now have my weekends back, I have plenty of money for once and I have zero responsibilities in the world. Never wanted kids, just me and the wife who is responsible for herself. 

It really started 3 years ago when mum started having lots of falls and my dad (who probably had ASD) became her carer, which he hated. He died of Covid in 2020 and I had to sort out a care home, clear the house etc. Since then I have had a massive burden and anxiety. I feel happy for the first time in 3 years, I am back to my normal self, but I feel guilty as I have no specific anxiety other than that around day to day life. I talked at her funeral and did not shed a single tear. Is there something else wrong with me or is it just ASD? Anybody else had a similar experience.

Rob

Parents

  • Feeling relief as well as grief is quite a standard reaction to the prolonged strain of seeing someone close to you decline and be in pain, when that anxiety is taken away by their death. Everyone processes bereavement in their own way and no one should feel that their reaction is inappropriate.

    I didn't cry at my mother's funeral either, though I had done plenty before, it just seemed to be a rather meaningless public ceremony that had nothing to do with my mother, or our relationship to each other.

  • in reply to Martin

    Thanks, glad I am not the only one. I liked my dads funeral much better as there was just 3 of of due to Covid. Everybody else seemed so much more upset, I felt like an imposter. 

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