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Lost my mum but feeling guilty about being relieved.

NAS65321

Hi lost my mum on November 24th, she was 83 and had been going down hill for a while. We had her funeral on Tuesday and I now just feel totally relieved that she has gone. I hated having to give up a big chunk of my weekend to see her. Maybe its my ASD brain but I felt I had to see her even though I had no interest in doing so. I now have my weekends back, I have plenty of money for once and I have zero responsibilities in the world. Never wanted kids, just me and the wife who is responsible for herself. 

It really started 3 years ago when mum started having lots of falls and my dad (who probably had ASD) became her carer, which he hated. He died of Covid in 2020 and I had to sort out a care home, clear the house etc. Since then I have had a massive burden and anxiety. I feel happy for the first time in 3 years, I am back to my normal self, but I feel guilty as I have no specific anxiety other than that around day to day life. I talked at her funeral and did not shed a single tear. Is there something else wrong with me or is it just ASD? Anybody else had a similar experience.

Rob

Parents

  • I'm sorry for your loss. And I'm so sorry you're feeling like you are but you shouldn't feel bad for how you're feeling. We all feel and react differently after death and there is no right or wrong way to feel and be right now.

    After my mum died of cancer I felt relief as well. She'd been sick for a long time and it was so difficult to watch happen to her and I felt bad for feeling relief when she was gone, but I think she was probably relieved as well. She was no longer suffering or in pain - she was at peace, and that's definitely a relief for us both xxx

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  • I'm sorry for your loss. And I'm so sorry you're feeling like you are but you shouldn't feel bad for how you're feeling. We all feel and react differently after death and there is no right or wrong way to feel and be right now.

    After my mum died of cancer I felt relief as well. She'd been sick for a long time and it was so difficult to watch happen to her and I felt bad for feeling relief when she was gone, but I think she was probably relieved as well. She was no longer suffering or in pain - she was at peace, and that's definitely a relief for us both xxx

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