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Lost my mum but feeling guilty about being relieved.

NAS65321

Hi lost my mum on November 24th, she was 83 and had been going down hill for a while. We had her funeral on Tuesday and I now just feel totally relieved that she has gone. I hated having to give up a big chunk of my weekend to see her. Maybe its my ASD brain but I felt I had to see her even though I had no interest in doing so. I now have my weekends back, I have plenty of money for once and I have zero responsibilities in the world. Never wanted kids, just me and the wife who is responsible for herself. 

It really started 3 years ago when mum started having lots of falls and my dad (who probably had ASD) became her carer, which he hated. He died of Covid in 2020 and I had to sort out a care home, clear the house etc. Since then I have had a massive burden and anxiety. I feel happy for the first time in 3 years, I am back to my normal self, but I feel guilty as I have no specific anxiety other than that around day to day life. I talked at her funeral and did not shed a single tear. Is there something else wrong with me or is it just ASD? Anybody else had a similar experience.

Rob

Parents

  • Try not to agonize too much. It is kind of normal. We do a lot of things we don't want to do in this life, but do them because it makes others feel better. You did that for your mum and it will have mattered to her that you did. If you didn't care, you wouldn't have done it. But, of course having your life back is giving you space to be you again. That's ok. I'm sure your mum would want you to have a bit of happiness.

    Also, neurotypical or neuro diverse, many people have a sense of relief when someone who was suffering passes on. They aren't suffering any more.

    I get it. My parents are in their early 80s and going down hill fast. I will do my best for them while they are here. One day that will be me. I hope my son does not grieve, but turns my cash into something that makes him happy.

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  • Try not to agonize too much. It is kind of normal. We do a lot of things we don't want to do in this life, but do them because it makes others feel better. You did that for your mum and it will have mattered to her that you did. If you didn't care, you wouldn't have done it. But, of course having your life back is giving you space to be you again. That's ok. I'm sure your mum would want you to have a bit of happiness.

    Also, neurotypical or neuro diverse, many people have a sense of relief when someone who was suffering passes on. They aren't suffering any more.

    I get it. My parents are in their early 80s and going down hill fast. I will do my best for them while they are here. One day that will be me. I hope my son does not grieve, but turns my cash into something that makes him happy.

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