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Christmas & Hugging

ABPH93
over 1 year ago

Hi!

I am very newly diagnosed, but have always hated physical contact, especially with people I'm not emotionally very close to. During COVID, it's been very easy to navigate not hugging people, using COVID-anxiety as a reason. However we're now "out" of that where I am, and we're having our first big christmas, with my partners extended family on Boxing Day. 

They're all very loud and touchy-feely, which I've always struggled with. Especially now I have a diagnosis, I'm less inclined to just "suck it up". I shouldn't have to, but I also don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, nor do I want everyone knowing about the ASD. I've already had the "ooh I didn't think you would be autistic". 

What do other people do in this situation? It's causing me a lot of anxiety and stress! I've managed to get out of the food portion of the evening but this means going a little later when people have had drinks too... 

Help :D 

Parents
  • over 1 year ago



    I can usually and usually want to hug most people (familiar) at these things but I do understand, I have felt the awkward pressure to also hug the +1 (stranger) that a relative invited after hugging everyone else so they don't feel left out and the best thing I have found is to have a pre-loaded socially acceptable excuse of somewhere else I need to go right that second so they don't take it personally they got missed. (Usually saying "oh I need to go to the loo rn so sorry" and then wait in the bathroom until the huggy moment has passed.) Or have an immediate remedy for the feeling afterwards (if you read my other reply) sometimes that can be changing into back-up jumper/t-shirt afterwards, and if anyone asks why the wardrobe change I just say I spotted a mark on the other one.
    I'm guessing if there's usually drinks involved though the former method might work best for you. Sorry that's the best I can advise without just saying "sorry I'm just not much of a hugger".

Reply
  • over 1 year ago



    I can usually and usually want to hug most people (familiar) at these things but I do understand, I have felt the awkward pressure to also hug the +1 (stranger) that a relative invited after hugging everyone else so they don't feel left out and the best thing I have found is to have a pre-loaded socially acceptable excuse of somewhere else I need to go right that second so they don't take it personally they got missed. (Usually saying "oh I need to go to the loo rn so sorry" and then wait in the bathroom until the huggy moment has passed.) Or have an immediate remedy for the feeling afterwards (if you read my other reply) sometimes that can be changing into back-up jumper/t-shirt afterwards, and if anyone asks why the wardrobe change I just say I spotted a mark on the other one.
    I'm guessing if there's usually drinks involved though the former method might work best for you. Sorry that's the best I can advise without just saying "sorry I'm just not much of a hugger".

Children
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