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A series of ‘nearly meltdowns’

Oakling

I tried to write this post earlier, but was too ‘stuck in the moment’ to articulate my question. I ended up deleting my post a few times and have finally written a far less frantic one after several hours have passed.

I will keep it brief, in order to get to the point, however, i am embarrassed to say that it nearly happened again earlier. Another very close to meltdown at work. After just about holding it together, I did vocalise my circumstances in a round about way and even accepted some help from colleagues (some I would go as far to call friends) when I was able to. This is a positive. However, I was left with my heart racing and feeling incredibly shaken for long after. I didn’t meltdown, but was millimetres away.

This seems to keep happening at the moment and I’m sort of left wondering, am I bottling these ‘nearly meltdowns’, for lack of a better word, up? Is such a thing possible? By stopping myself from forcefully ejecting the negative emotions, as I would in the meltdowns I have experienced prior to this new phase, am I just prolonging things? Or am I just overthinking things as usual? I know you can’t really answer these questions, but it would still be interesting to read your thoughts.

I was able to turn to this place and do a bit of reading in a quiet space today and I must say, it felt like a sanctuary of order amongst chaos. The lighthearted thread that seemed to pick up momentum today was actually perfect and very well timed, so thanks for that too. 

I’m very drained now- time to go and sleep for a millennia, I reckon.

Parents
  • Autonomistic said:
    A series of 'nearly meltdowns' sounds like something recurrent is still triggering you. 

    I had that impression as well.

    It's good they made adjustments for you.

    Frequent meltdowns and nearly meltdown for almost a year, ending with one massive volcano eruption is how I ended up with burnout. I just couldn't leave bed for weeks. I went back to work after 3 weeks and escaped after half a day and called in sick again next day. It took me 8 weeks together to recover after that last meltdown enough to get back to work. Though I'm not sure now if it was the wisest thing to do because I kept being 'zombie' for 8 months, but without meltdowns, only shutdowns everyday after getting back home from work.

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  • Autonomistic said:
    A series of 'nearly meltdowns' sounds like something recurrent is still triggering you. 

    I had that impression as well.

    It's good they made adjustments for you.

    Frequent meltdowns and nearly meltdown for almost a year, ending with one massive volcano eruption is how I ended up with burnout. I just couldn't leave bed for weeks. I went back to work after 3 weeks and escaped after half a day and called in sick again next day. It took me 8 weeks together to recover after that last meltdown enough to get back to work. Though I'm not sure now if it was the wisest thing to do because I kept being 'zombie' for 8 months, but without meltdowns, only shutdowns everyday after getting back home from work.

Children
  • in reply to Mariusz
    Mariusz said:
    It's good they made adjustments for you.

    It really is. I know some people don’t get the kind of response I did, which also plays on my mind a bit.

    The fact that you agree with Autonomistic helps actually. I think, on reflection, that there is something in this. So thanks.

    Your experience is similar, but wider sounding, that one I had quite a few years ago. I’m trying to avoid going back there. But back then, I had nowhere to turn to, but at least now I do.