I tried to write this post earlier, but was too ‘stuck in the moment’ to articulate my question. I ended up deleting my post a few times and have finally written a far less frantic one after several hours have passed.
I will keep it brief, in order to get to the point, however, i am embarrassed to say that it nearly happened again earlier. Another very close to meltdown at work. After just about holding it together, I did vocalise my circumstances in a round about way and even accepted some help from colleagues (some I would go as far to call friends) when I was able to. This is a positive. However, I was left with my heart racing and feeling incredibly shaken for long after. I didn’t meltdown, but was millimetres away.
This seems to keep happening at the moment and I’m sort of left wondering, am I bottling these ‘nearly meltdowns’, for lack of a better word, up? Is such a thing possible? By stopping myself from forcefully ejecting the negative emotions, as I would in the meltdowns I have experienced prior to this new phase, am I just prolonging things? Or am I just overthinking things as usual? I know you can’t really answer these questions, but it would still be interesting to read your thoughts.
I was able to turn to this place and do a bit of reading in a quiet space today and I must say, it felt like a sanctuary of order amongst chaos. The lighthearted thread that seemed to pick up momentum today was actually perfect and very well timed, so thanks for that too.
I’m very drained now- time to go and sleep for a millennia, I reckon.