Shutdowns - how many is too many?

I posted previously then deleted because I thought I was oversharing. 

It's hard when you've spent a lot of your life a certain way without knowing. For me it was "normal" to feel like this because I didn't know any different. But I now know it doesn't have to be that way and a lot of people (by that I mean allistic) do not get these experiences or have them in a different way and for different reasons. It's true that what is "normal" differs for everyone. But from personal experience, feeling like this most days isn't sustainable and can lead to burnout.

If this is a recent discovery for you, it'll take time to work out what it all means for you. 

Until 2 years ago I was like you, masking full time, enforcing coping with everything, not knowing my baseline as you described it, until burnout happened...

As far as I figured it out both meltdowns and shutdowns are a result of a combined outcome of stressors/triggers and resulting from them overloads (momentary inability to cope with reality). There is a possibility that to many overloads in a short period of time will result in a meltdown (I call mine 'erupting volcano', no control over it, someone else is driving the bus) or a shutdown, if conditions are right, e.g. somewhere where you feel safe, or at least secluded, and knowing you'll be left alone (mine happen at home only, it's like a disconnect from everything outside your body, including sensory inputs, sometimes I loop over bad events, sometimes it's a total nothing I can remember when I return). After burnout (you can't do anything basicaly, and lose a lot of memories and some abilities, sometimes permanently) I was having shutdowns everyday for half a year, at least once a day, some memories are lost forever

I'm not sure if I ever fully had a shutdown; however, I definitely need time to recuperate after driving long distance.

I know it can be difficult to pinpoint our own feelings especially while we are still actively in them, but I would say it's important to trust your instinctual reaction because that is your emotional mind even if you might be second guessing it with the logical mind trying to analyse it afterwards. So if you are finding them unusual for you or they are bothering you or the frequency of them specifically is bothering you then yes it's fair to say maybe that is too much for you if it's making you feel that way. You're always the number one authority of yourself at the end of the day. I hope that helps, and not to worry too much about messy word use. Sometimes it's just better to get it out and express yourself even if it's messy than to not get it out at all, and you can always clarify points after the fact.

Shutdowns, melt downs and burnouts are all terms splattered around by us all in this place.  I'm not sure anyone has the definitive meaning.

Apologies if I've worded that incorrectly. My phrasing is mainly around myself not knowing if shutdowns are brought on by say facing more triggers/more overwhelm or if it's just something that will happen as I go about my day regardless of how easy or difficult a day is. So I didn't know myself if there is a "normal" and that shutdowns are something not regular and are usually brought on by the kind of day I've had, say.

I think I both mask a lot and have just "dealt with" feeling this way my whole life so have just pushed through without doing much about it so I'm used to being at a stressed state most if not all of the time. That's partly why I'm finding it hard to discover what my "baseline" should be and if there's more that I'm not aware of yet that triggers me. 

I'm also not entirely sure I experience meltdowns. If I do they may just be a slight variation on my regular mood so I may just not know what it looks like.

Exactly, this is why I prefer to use the word normal only in relation to the self,  ie you know when you are experiencing something that isn't your own form of what is usual, otherwise as you say "normal" is such a problematic and misleading word.
I had to ask as I find strangers are almost never truly qualified to tell other people what is "too many" or "too few" or "normal" because we aren't in their position to know what their average benchmark history is to judge from.
I think it would be more helpful if Con could identify how they are feeling, like can they cope or are they feeling overwhelmed. Because I think that's the most important thing here.

It really is different for all of us and we have our own descriptions for how we feel at any one time. For example, I wouldn’t say I experience shut down when I get in from work, but I do tend not to speak, and just go about my business in the routine I have and keep things low key. I need that time to de stress. 
So, if I look at thing like you, then yes, I might have more than one a day. But for me, I would say when I completely withdraw from others and cannot speak, that’s my shut down. 

My advice would be to try and not make comparisons, as we are all different. But, see if there’s anything you can do to lighten the load for yourself, so you don’t feel the need to shutdown as much. I know you can’t help it occurring, but you might be able to work out what triggers them. It’s worth saying if you have recently realised you are autistic, you are going to be in quite a heightened state still, with lots to think about and lots of the last to go over. This is a stressful time. 

There's no "normal" really in either shut down or melt down. Some people never experience one or the other, some even experience both as rare. Others both very frequently and in different forms.

The key is, however yours are, is to work out what triggers them and try to minimise that.

I know it isn't always helpful to compare because no two of us are the same but I think of myself as hyper stressed if I'm going non-verbal maybe twice a week (again my normal isn't someone elses normal so bear that in mind) but you sound like you must be very frazzled in general to me if it's happening twice a day. Is that with or without meltdowns?