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Such a disappointing person..

Noon..

Hello, I'm sorry for this unprofessional discussion.

  • In the year 2018, I was diagnosed. I cried because it wasn't a disease that could be cured. It was a problem that I had to fix, but fixing broken things does not restore them to their original functionality. My hobby is repairing things. I am fascinated by science. Understanding how things work and what's at the heart of everything..Creating things from another things..
  • I despise failing in front of someone I truly respect. I'll call myself a fighter until I perfect all of my skills. But I still require some time.
  • No one understands what I say, which causes uncomfortable situations and bothers me, so I have to repeat myself several times to ensure that the person beside me understands what I am saying.

Aisha Teacher is the name of the person I now actually respect. I'm not sure why I respected her in the first place, but I believe it was because she has a good observation, not perfect but good. Finally, after disappointing her three times, I melted down. Shame on me. I failed the writing exam yesterday because the exam requires a lot of imagination, such as creating VMware inside your head to generate a new system into another system without having the ISO for the new system. I had a nervous breakdown. I'm disappointed myself again. My mum thought my silence caused because of the fact that i can't face the world.. But still hypothesis she can't prove it..

  • Noon,

    A piece of advice I have always found to be helpful probably can apply to you here and now.......

    "Analyse and de-construct, then rebuild."

    You have obviously just experienced an upsetting event and I am sorry for you about that.  I have no idea what underpins this upset, but it is worth looking at the fundamental forces at play that have led you to this feeling.

    In recent times, I have been able to realise that the "causes" and "triggers" of some of my upsetting times / events have actually been grounded in areas that I did not think were so.  It is not worth dwelling in the past - but it is worth learning from it before you move on.

    In particular, I think you might want to look very carefully at one of the issues you mention above - which I also have problems with - 

    Noon.. said:
    No one understands what I say, which causes uncomfortable situations and bothers me, so I have to repeat myself several times to ensure

    Personally, I have found that repeating myself can compound the complexity (and perplexity for NTs) so I try to choose my initial words / attempt very carefully.  It that doesn't "hit the spot" of understanding, I try to move on and wait for another opportunity to arise where I can try again.  I also notice that waiting for an actual "question" directed at you is the MOST efficient way to convey important information.

    More generally - don't panic Noon.  We all have a mix of fortunes - there is always tomorrow to improve.

    Best wishes.

  • You're not broken.  Society is broken because it doesn't understand that people are different and have diverse needs.

    The square peg is not broken because it doesn't fit in the round hole. And the people trying to force it into that hole are actually harming it, intentionally or otherwise. 

    (That was a metaphor. Autistic people need to find their own way of doing things, their own way of communicating, and other people should be patient enough to respect that.)