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High Masking?

Jenny Butterfly

To be honest, I've only recently started noticing the term "high masking" but I think it applies to me and has kept me from recognising my identity as an autistic person for DECADES.  You see, I was also masking automatically and mistaking the persona for myself. 

I should have been on to it, I suppose, given the number of times that people have got closer to me and observed something like, "You're not how I thought you'd be" or, when the mask dropped, "What's wrong?"  But I didn't.  I thought that was just down to normal variation in moods.  

Does anyone else feel that way?  

I noticed this video and found it quite an interesting exploration of high masking in women, although I suspect much of it isn't really gender specific.

www.youtube.com/watch

Parents

  • I've not watched the video, but in response to your post, it does not surprise me in the least that you spent so many decades automatically masking. Let's face it, knowledge of autism in females is a relatively recent thing.

    Long before I knew I was autistic, an ex-boyfriend had been convinced that I was suffering from a hormonal balance, as he had considered my reaction to something to be completely over the top. After agreeing to make an appointment with my GP, I was referred for blood tests. There was no hormonal imbalance. With the benefit of hindsight, I am now convinced that my autism was to blame for my overreaction.

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  • I've not watched the video, but in response to your post, it does not surprise me in the least that you spent so many decades automatically masking. Let's face it, knowledge of autism in females is a relatively recent thing.

    Long before I knew I was autistic, an ex-boyfriend had been convinced that I was suffering from a hormonal balance, as he had considered my reaction to something to be completely over the top. After agreeing to make an appointment with my GP, I was referred for blood tests. There was no hormonal imbalance. With the benefit of hindsight, I am now convinced that my autism was to blame for my overreaction.

Children
  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly

    I went through something similar, I think.  Except that it was thought to be related to a thyroid condition, making me hyper-nervous and a bit manic at times.  Or else that I was bipolar.  Or just "highly strung".  

    But no, i was always autistic and very sensitive and no other diagnosis was needed.  

    When I think about it, i don't "blame" my autism, though.  I put it all down to a lack of understanding of neurodivergence, both my own and theirs.  And if they'd been in the misunderstood minority for all those years, they'd probably "overreact" too.