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KJ1234

Apparently, my post hasn't been posted so this is the edit that happened. idk when the last time was when I posted here but Sarah my developmental worker is finishing up with me, and the social services Hannah that I got attached to left finished working with me because her work has ended and she sign-posted me to the right people that's why. this is to be short what mainly happened and how I now have been feeling 3 days suicidal not caring to call Samaritans or even my stupid mental health team(I only spoke to them on Monday that's all and Tuesday). I don't get why it's always the people I love that leave me fucking behind and now idk what to do . because I don't accept change or behave well when things change for me. IDK why I'm such a stupid f********** dumb ass cow not lucky to be alive. I hate how my life ended in a nightmare and has gotten worse. And my suicidal feeling came back and nothing has been working.  WHY, WHY WHY . at least My suicidal feeling aren't every day now that is good. why is it always the people I love tell me why? My life autistic life is so complicated. I feel stupid rn writing this. 

  • I'm really sorry that you feel like this and that you've been struggling. I don't think you're a "dumb ass cow". It sounds like you're going through a really tough time. Unfortunately, we can end up getting sent from one place to another looking for help. It's good that you aren't feeling suicidal every day. Is there anything going on in your life right now that makes you feel at all positive? Something you can focus on when you feel suicidal?

  • This forum was down last night, so maybe that's why your edited post didn't appear.

    Firstly you are not stupid. You will find a lot of understanding on here about how hard it is dealing with services. Sadly their training in autism is lacking and they don't understand how important continuity and lack of change is to autistic people like yourself.

    Changes do happen, people move jobs etc. However you can try and manage expectations by asking any new support worker to clearly explain to you at the start how long they will be able to support you for. Explain how being autistic means that you will need as much notice as possible of any changes to this plan. When you know what to expect it is much easier to deal with it when they do finish working with you. 

    The fact that you are no longer feeling suicidal every day is good. Try and work out what is is that makes you feel more positive on those days, write those thoughts down. Then when you have a bad day you have a written reminder that it won't always be like that.