Published on 12, July, 2020
Sometimes, and for no particular reason, I say something out loud. I’m not sure if this is some sort of manifestation of Tourette’s, it isn’t usually anything obscene, I sometimes surprise myself and am left wondering why I said it as it seems to have no relevance to anything. I also count under my breath as I’m walking, sometimes people hear me mumbling and I’m immediately embarrassed. I’ve always done this, but only recently come to the conclusion that it might be an autistic thing…anybody else do this weird stuff?
As a kid I spent a fair bit of time alone, and found that I'd talk to myself a lot until I was told not to. (because it sounds mad) then I kept it on the down low...
However, as I found out during my time as a pilot of small aeroplanes, when I'm properly in trouble and do not know what to do, I seem to have a (rather direct) alternate and more masterful personality which emerges and verbally instructs me what to do. What I believe some people call an "Alter".
I found myself lost one day, (navigation was always not my string suit) in a tiny open cockpit aeroplane and whist I was trying to sort myself out a storm started to form quickly, which would of course force me to fly away form it and being lost already, would force me to get even more lost whilst running out of fuel.
I did not know what to do.
Then suddenly my own voice started "working the problem" and giving me my options. (which were, "put the f***ng onto the ground and sort it all out later". Which is what I did. I looked for somewhere suitable and dropped it nicely onto a convenient and long strip of grass next to a farm.
Looking back afterwards I realised that was not the first time that had happened. If I get scared enough, I do suddenly seem to have this second version of me appear which takes control, sorts things out whilst reassuring "me", and then vanishes as quickly as it appeared. Long may it continue!
I also get breakthroughs occasionally when I am thinking really hard using internal dialog and I can find myself articulating it, and my long suffering O/H asks me "what did you say" and I have to tell her "sorry, I was "thinking out loud". But that seems pretty normal stuff to me..
I do impressions, of my Cleaner and the things she told me about my Nan.