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New job or new life.

Roy

Looking for advise my wife an I made the decision a few months ago to sell the family home and downsize. The plan originally was to move about 5 miles to the next village and be mortgage free. I’m 55 and was planning on working another 5 years and then moving to Cornwall. My father died 6 years ago and left me a workshop, I restore classic cars. To be honest I love the work but hate being receptionist, parts organiser, book keeper, secretary and just about all that goes with it. I really don’t like dealing with people. I spoke in a post recently about my dread of Mondays. The business makes no money as I spend too long making sure my work is perfect and undercharge as I have very low self worth. I find people can manipulate my very easily.My wife and I have had the idea of selling the workshop as well as the house and buying a house now in Cornwall with outbuildings that I could convert into  self contained holiday lets. Ideally two and not attached to the house. A new start for us and something to try and get me out of burnout, a project to get my teeth into.
I finished the restoration of an MGC last week and took it to an MG specialist to have its windscreen refitted along with its owner. The MG specialist company is one of the top ones in Europe. The company owner started talking to me, he had seen the car I had completed. I then was shown around the different workshops and asked various questions. I thought it was just the usual,’ this is what we do tour,’ I then gave the cars owner a lift home.  On the way home he said to me,” do you know the company owner has just offered you a job, they want you to take over all their panel work and welding”. I just replied that they had never said. I now realise it’s my blindspot with neurotypicals. They seem to talk in riddles and not directly enough.

The job is a dream job, the money is excellent,I would have my own workshop and be able to be on my own. My big problem now is what to do, I know if a take the job then I will never move to Cornwall. My wife thinks I should take it for a few months, I know I would then not move. My head is saying take the job, but will it be too stressful. My heart is saying go to Cornwall, The idea of the holiday let’s is that they would be tailored totally for autistic people who have maybe been in burnout or just want some quiet time and space to rest, do art, walk, help with our rescue donkeys or just do their own thing. The houses I’ve seen are detached, have outbuildings and woodland.

sorry for it being a long one.

  • Always, always, always, follow your heart.

    I worked for the career of it for a decade and ended up burnt out sick and still searching.

    Heart wins every time

  • I'm normally the romantic type who would recommend that you follow your dream big Cornwall) but in this instance I am sensing that you should stay and take the job.

    You seem very similar to me, and I quote the wholly resonate bits from your writing as:

    Roy said:
    To be honest I love the work but hate being receptionist, parts organiser, book keeper, secretary and just about all that goes with it.
    Roy said:
    and something to try and get me out of burnout
    Roy said:
    The business makes no money as I spend too long making sure my work is perfect and undercharge as I have very low self worth

    For what it's worth, in my opinion, I think you should take the job now.  See how it goes.  You are still plenty young enough.  I believe in fate and Jungian Sycronicity....there's a reason why you were offered this job and were told of it at a time when someone could explain that to you.

    I note, most especially your own words that read

    Roy said:
    The job is a dream job, the money is excellent,I

    I wish you all the best, now matter what you decide.

  • Oh crikey! That’s a difficult decision to make. Don’t think I’m able to offer advice, but do you think you’ll be able to cope with years of retirement and time on your hands? Of course, that might be what your wife has in mind, so best to consider that! I know my wife can’t wait to retire, but maybe to carry on working at a craft you love but without the other responsibilities of running a business, would be the answer to your prayers…who can say..I do love MGs, I once had a 71 Midget and it’s the car I loved the most. I sold it to a guy who did a great job renovating it. Wish I could have afforded to buy it back!

  • In summary your plan was to retire to Cornwall in 5 years but you now think you have to do this now or never. Is this because you have found a specific property, that you don't want to miss out on by not moving now? Or is it because your business is currently not worthwhile financially and you have no incentive to keep going with it?

    You now have a new job opportunity, your dream job, excellent money and on your own. You would no longer have to deal with customers or worry about undercharging. That would appear to solve a big problem and I'm inclined to agree with your wife that it is at least worth a try. There is nothing to stop you giving notice and moving if you do find your dream house in Cornwall.

    You have stated that you currently have very low self worth. I would have thought the new job would be a positive boost for that and as a result you might be more confident about taking on new challenges (such as moving to Cornwall) in the future. 

  • This is a tough one though a nice one as it is choosing between two good things not trying to work out the least bad.

    Your dream sounds lovely. But the dream job sounds great too, so don't miss out on it for the wrong reasons. I think you should spend some time considering what it would be like to work there and try to see if you feel excited or not.

    Roy said:
    I know I would then not move

    Is this really true? I know you believe it is true, and I do relate because I sometimes feel this way about things. But I also know that I am not always right, even about myself! And if your wife want also to move to Cornwall in a few years then is she capable of being the driving force behind that and you can follow her coat tails?

    Logic agrees with your wife that you should try the job for a few months. It does not have to mean that you will never go to Cornwall, that is probably your autistic black and white thinking! So it is good to challenge it. I hope you are not offended by me saying this, I only do so because i recognise it and relate to it.

  • Roy I'm not exactly a sensible person nor business/financially minded but all I can say is that I have a dream a bit like yours of owning a 'rescue home' in the country for people who need it (this is in Australia).  So I love your Cornwall idea!!!  

    But listen to others who reply too of course.  :)