Hello, I'm new on here and wondering if anyone has suggestions for me. My husband is an intelligent man who turned 60 last year. We've been together for 10 years. He is a bit different to the norm (sorry if I don't use accepted descriptors here, I can only apologise as I try to describe my position). There are a number of experiences which make him the man he is: a life spent mostly in jobs which were particularly demanding and stressful and being sent to boarding school at 7. Also he learned quite late on that he was adopted and his much older than average parents were not ones to demonstrate affection and his father followed routines rigidly. So I suppose I'm trying to say that some of his behaviours may stem from upbringing; the nurture rather than the nature as we have no knowledge of birth parents. In more recent years, his anxiety levels have been high and he was on Sertraline for a couple of years before retiring from work. A few years on and he is now, highly anxious about many day-to-day events, very reliant on things being unchanged. He does not like changes to what we will have to eat, likes to know exactly what to expect, hates to be late for anything and prepares well in advance for trips. He is uncomfortable making phone calls for information or ordering. He cannot understand when others do not reply quickly to texts or emails and will misjudge replies that may be intended to be humorous or just indicate that the person is busy with other things as being insults and abandonment. He expects me the answer questions as he would, in other words I can feel my own personality and expression is being denied and an argument can ensue if I stand up for myself and say that I'm entitled to say what I want in my own words. Often his reaction to things not being just as he would expect can be anger and I get the brunt of that. He is positive that he has autism but is asking me to find out what I can and arrange for some sort of diagnosis. I say that I'm not in loco parentis or have POA like I do for my mum who has dementia, and he must go and discuss this with the GP. I mentioned my husband's mental health when I went to see our GP last year and he gave me the 0300... counseling number. I phoned them and they offered me a 45 min phone consultation which was all they could do, you cannot refer someone else. They went through a questionnaire and concluded that I did not need counselling. I'm not sure whether I'm dealing with someone with other mental health and anger management problems or someone who is autistic. Unfortunately, some of what my husband says and does makes me think that if he did get a diagnosis of autism, it would give him an excuse to behave badly. I can only think that I have to get him to see our GP but if anyone here has ideas or has had similar problems, I would be interested to hear from them.
