Better for you now or in the past?

Very true. 

There is really very little I miss about 1980, except perhaps a quieter pace of life in general.

I agree. And the engineering. Sound wasn't as loud, it was wired with better components, which have an impact on sensory perception. Same with lights and a good deal of things, though not everything, such as fabrics. I am happy there are more pure wool and more of an emphasis on natural fibres now. 

For the most part my life is so much better than it could've turned out. But not without a great deal of heartbreak. 

out_of_step said:

The whole notion of celebrity and engaging with that,  i find baffling.

What I find even more baffling is the obsession with what I refer to as man-made celebrities. What I mean by this is people who appear in the likes of reality TV shows such as Big Brother, Love Island, etc. Included in this are the reality TV shows that seem to be modelled on soap operas (Geordie Shore, The Only Way Is Essex, Made in Chelsea).

I imagine it was very diluted

When I was in school, before botox was a thing, but botulism on which it is based was, we were told all it needed to kill the population of a medium large town was contained in the size of a full stop! So I don't suppose that fridge needed to be too large. Plenty of room in it for the sandwiches of the brave or foolish...

I once worked in a 'Schedule 5' lab containing - in a locked fridge - enough botox to kill the population of a small town. Luckily, I never had to handle it myself!

I wonder if all this celebrity botox plastic surgery stuff is a step towards AI without us knowing it. Looking more like robots and engaging on instagram till no one can tell the difference. Each to their own I suppose!

I guess so.

Think it's easy to see the good parts of childhood as being the way things should be, before the tumult of adulting arrives.

I do work remotely atm which has been an amazing change, so, I am glad for that.

But I could have happily skipped the bullying, relationship breakups, drug problem, and family issues. They all started in adulthood

out_of_step said:

The whole notion of celebrity and engaging with that,  i find baffling.

Yes.  I also find baffling that some young women seem to be happy to have returned to an archaic state of womanhood ie only interested in fitting into an ostensibly male ideal of what a woman should look and act like and only really concerned with their appearance.

Whether they are happy to be like this, or are just feeling pressurised by society to be 'perfect' I don't know.

I should think nowadays that a huge amount is spent on the beauty industry.

out_of_step said:

I think the main one is that we're are losing touch with our natural world in such a big way...this has been the case for a very long time though.

Yes.  This is heartbreaking.

That is such a complex question, I've been putting off answering and still don't really know. I thought I'd write a response anyway and see what comes out!

Some things about my life have improved with age. I didn't enjoy school, although I didn't realise how much I disliked it until I left! I love learning, but college and uni and even just my own home are better places for that in many ways. Of course I was bullied at school, I was a weird kid. But I did have friends, some of whom are still friends now though I don't see them often.

But I got arthritis at around age 20 so that was not better! I had to leave uni which I had been mostly enjoying and basically go back to being a child, although at least without school. My late 20s I was doing a degree I loved so that was good. My early 30s I was doing an MA I loved too and I got saved which is the best, although it meant I got dumped, I got to live in Norway for 6 months which was a highlight of my life. Getting married and doing my PhD was great until my breakdown which meant I couldn't finish it so that was Not Good.

Since then my energy levels have been appalling, although the dip was a few years ago and then I started exercising which did help, but not as much as I hoped. I discovered my autism 2 years ago and knowing that has helped too. I am not especially enjoying getting older, heading for the menopause, eyesight getting worse etc. but I do love riding my trike and learning languages, so it's a mixed bag.

I reckon my best time which i would go back to would be that time in Norway or the first year of marriage. Especially now knowing about my autism, which might have helped me avoid that massive PhD burnout.

I sometimes think about what I would say to a past me if I could send a message, or how i would do things differently if I woke up back in my own past, depending on how much i remembered about my life now.

As for society, that is harder. I have enjoyed the internet since its early days, before windows, I used DOS newsgroups. With my physical disability the web has always been a place i could connect with people. When I imagine going back in my timeline, not having the web is one of the things I think would be hard, although actually i do think it was probably better to be a kid without it.

Some things have improved, some have disimproved. I do wonder how much we have left, so many things in our society seem unsustainable, how much longer can it last without breaking completely? But at least I can trust God and not worry about that one!

Thank you Debbie :) 

Every message you write is so kind and lovely. It keeps the community so bright.

Its hard to say! I think you settle into yourself more as you get older .. I think it's taken time but diagnosis integration and talking therapy has helped. The past 20 years of heavy masking are slowly starting to be undone.. I understand myself more now but was more care free when younger. Life hadnt ground me down (but i actually feel very content as an adult). Maybe some people of my age but then felt less like they needed a diagnosis just because life wasnt as fast and with so much expectstion or mental health problems. The main one is that now there are more choices which I don't know if it's a good thing. I liked the limited options during lockdown. But people were not able to reach their potential the same years ago because of reduced job options and expectations. Things are lighter louder faster now and i feel its reflected on people many of whom seem to be more self absorbed or impatient these days...we can get most things on the click of a button. But as a society we have more tolerance towards difference. There's a lot more information and words in our life now because of technology and its stifling. But it helps us stay in touch easily and it means i can listen to any sort of music at the touch of a button. TV adverts these days are too fast loud and bright. There's more stuff in our homes which to me, means we use more brain power engaging with them. Look at old dramas etc...fewer possessions. Camera phones mean people don't enjoy the present.  Watch old top of the pops or music festivals....people just having a good time but to me in a more meaningful way. They don't have as much at the bsck of their mind about how they look. People were less spread out and friends and family lived closer. I don't know if there's such a strong identity among younguns now. Subculture I think is really important but it seems quite homogenised now. Nowadays I have all the music from the past to enjoy but en joyed being part of a kind of .subculture when younger. The whole notion of celebrity and engaging with that,  i find baffling. I feel people are less content these days maybe because there's too much choice and everyone is so bogged down on the consumer wheel.. I think the main one is that we're are losing touch with our natural world in such a big way...this has been the case for a very long time though.

so basically you miss being 13 on a weekend?

I miss the old days, where you would knock on someone's door to see if they were coming out. Or when you'd go out for the day and only see people on your return. True freedom and privacy

It's an interesting question. I wouldn't have known I had autism without the internet. Neither would I have been on here and found people who thought and did things like me which I gave found reassuring. It is useful to look things up quickly although there is something special about looking up things in books and more relaxing to read a story in a book.

However I find many things more complicated with technology, for example washing machines and cookers where you just turned knobs and couldn't operate by accidentally leaning on them. Life often feels today like it needs a lot more planning or things working out.

I used to entertain myself a lot with craft projects, but I wonder how my son who has ADHD as well as autism would have managed without technology.

In 1980 there were not so many things to spend money on that were essential like the internet and mobile phones, so would people be better off? Also I think people now rely a lot more on credit. I believe food was quite expensive then compared to wages but people had less to spend money on. What would the current cost of living crisis have looked like then? Just before then we had periods of shortages and strikes too and planned power cuts. However because of so many things relying on electricity today power cuts are not so straight forward.

There were also things in those days which were not investigated which have since come to light.

So in conclusion, life then was simpler and more straight forward which I like, but there are things to be thankful for today.

Luna said:

it feels like the dark storm clouds are parting and blue skies and sunshine are starting to break through.

That is poetic Luna

Good to hear.

I hope it stays that way for you.

I'm not really sure. Mine isn't poignant or poetic, sorry.

I think my life is getting better. I can't say it was the best growing up and the last few years have been horrible at times but it feels like the dark storm clouds are parting and blue skies and sunshine are starting to break through.

I'm gaining more control and understanding of my autism and myself so hopefully I'm on my way to happier things and times. 

So I hope things are better now :) 

Thank you all for your replies.

There are some poignant posts, but you are all poets I think.

Shardovan said:

On the other hand, I think my/your/Sparkly's generation (I think we're broadly in the same age range) was the last to be born into the analogue age (we still have sensory memories of using rotary phones!), and we've therefore had the most exhausting adaptive battle to fight. Too young to opt out of the newfangled (like my aunt's partner did - retired a few years ago and has never touched a keyboard in his life, and never will), too old to have gotten the nice intuitive user interfaces and early-age immersion that makes it all so smooth and effortless for Generation Z or whoever. Instead, we got the clunky learning curve of going from limited exposure to BBC Micros, to maybe an Amstrad in the home, to the early rough edges of the nascent internet, to Office programs that were fiddly rather than easy to navigate, and prone to crashing, and vulnerable to viruses etc. In other words, navigating all the difficult birth pains of digital tech becoming a necessary but unwieldy presence in all areas of life. And finally, we go to the age of the smart phone, where things started to feel a little more like they were meeting our non-digital-native mindsets more than halfway to compensate for all that discomfort of being put in front of devices that made the very air around them nervous with their brittle auras of 'get it right for god's sake or you'll lose your night's work' and all the attendant stress of that. 

Brilliantly expressed.

Shardovan said:

Until then, people of my age can be grateful that we got a pretty decent trade-off - maybe even the best one? A childhood with some gentle modernity - raised on the soothing tones of Oliver Postgate and Blue Peter instead of the frenetic relentlessness of the Cartoon Network, and TikTok and whatever else. But still able to selectively opt in to YouTube videos, and podcasts, and Twitter and other things that amuse, divert, and entertain in ways that let us be in control of our own 'schedules' while still finding time for the reduced ambient complexity that any middle-aged person needs to go back to to stay healthy (or at least I do anyway).

And this.  I need 'reduced ambient complexity' too as a refuge ie my bedroom, the dark, a reading lamp, and a Kindle.

Roy said:

I often think of The Shawshank Redemption when ‘Red’ is telling the probation board as an old man how he wishes he could go back and talk to the young boy he once was. That’s exactly how I feel, I would have so much to explain to him. I still morn that lost child.

That is very poignant Roy.  I would like to go back to the younger me too.  I'd have so much to tell her, but I'm unsure she'd listen. 

Kate Kestrel said:

The pandemic has had a terrible impact on my life and the lives of other people in my family. Because of this I look back to the 80s and 90s with huge affection and nostalgia.

I'm sorry to hear that Kate.

I didn't lose anyone I loved during the pandemic and I loved the lockdowns and local walks, so my experience is very different.

Luftmentsch said:

As an Orthodox Jew, I don't use computers, TV, phones etc. on the Sabbath and it's very calming,

When I was a child, on a Sunday,  no shops opened and there were no cars on the road.

I actually miss that.

Also, there were no TV or telephone in the house I was in until 12. Obviously no PC.

I'm not religious, (probably agnostic), but a peaceful, respectful day once a week is/was important.

Thank you for sharing that information.

Martin said:

After I hit 50, I was much more relaxed about myself, my oddities became just that, not an enormous burden that might squash me flat at any moment of inattention.

Good to hear, and similar to me, although I think 40 was my watershed.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

Responsible people have to pay for the irresponsibilities of others.

Do you think life has improved for you as you have grown older?

No. There have been bright moments in my life. This is not one of them. If you're asking has the way society has changed made my life better or worse then again its a mixed answer.

The greater awareness of autism in schools came too late to help me as a child. The access to diagnosis as an adult came too late to help me as a uni student.

The rise of anime and nerd culture made it easier for me to find a place I could connect with others. But the continued rise of it made it more mainstream which may have contributed to me being excluded from places.

The rise of the lawless internet and 90s edgy culture gave me a place to find myself and learn about the world through the net. phpBB sites and msn messenger opened my eyes to the world and new friends. Facebook was instrumental in helping me make friends and connect in the late 00s. But the rise of offence / cancel culture took that sanctuary away.