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I feel like an outcast in work

Dawn

Hi everyone,

This will probably sound a bit weird but please bear with me if you can. 
I am a 26 year old woman living in the UK. I have recently gone back to work after years of being a stay at home parent. I've never really fitted in anywhere, I was bullied badly during school and never had many friends. I have one friend who has been my closest friend since I was 8 and quite frankly I don't really want any more as I find it hard just communicating with the one... Anyway, since going back to work I've realised how little I know myself. I struggle with making conversation so I usually make myself much dumber than I actually am and if you ask why, I have zero idea. I also overshare A LOT because I can never sit in silence and just talk and talk, I'm trying to learn to keep myself quiet but I do find it difficult. I find myself asking stupid questions that I already know the answers too because I don't know what else to talk about. I copy everyone else around me and just hope that it gets me to the right place but honestly it's so exhausting. 

I don't know what I should talk about, my main hobbies are true crime, reading and horror - most of which doesn't really fit in to the chatter at my work place. I've spoken to my manager about my struggles but I don't think they really understand. They said that my confidence is what holds me back a lot and this is true but I have zero idea how to increase my confidence. There is nothing good about myself - I have literally nothing to offer and I know it, so I don't want to overstep the mark at work pretending that I could actually be good at something.

There is no purpose to this post other than to hopefully feel less alone with others who understand my struggles. Thank you :) 

  • Hi Dawn.  You are not alone and it's not really helpful for people to be telling you what your struggles are as they only see it form an NT point of view and so can only give you strategies from their point of view.  Is your workplace inclusive and would you feel comfortable disclosing to your colleagues a bit about how you are and your struggles with communicating? 

  • Hi Dawn.  I know that the vast majority of people on these pages know exactly what you mean above.  You are not alone in the struggles you describe. 

    For what it's worth, I would encourage you to be brave.  It has taken me many decades to realise just how badly many NTs do their jobs and how they simply can't fathom how to do many things that I find painfully simple.  Accordingly, I strongly suspect that you will not only be really good at certain aspects of your job...you will be able to excel.

    Being good at my job gives me confidence and gives me things to talk about with others in the workplace.  My advice = concentrate on being excellent at your job and then the struggles you describe with social communication becomes easier.

    Good luck.