Autism Shutdowns

you ok calm down what helps is when I go to the corner of my room and shut myself in it and close myself from the reality 

can't control my  reaction.
and sometimes it can cos a meltdown and the case of a meltdown, i may cry, scream, hit, and kick.

I've never had a meltdown as a result of a shutdown. I thought they are sort of mutually exclusive. 

My shutdown look like I literally disconnect from reality for a period of time and don't remember what happened, it's like a hole in my memory

Maybe you were being overloaded with stimuli and your body was trying to shutdown to avoid further exposure and becuase you didn't know you didn't change enironment and it led to meltdown?

Hello 

Hello