Published on 12, July, 2020
Today, after a few wobbly days at work, I have asked for a meeting with my management team to discuss the reasonable adjustments that can be made to better accommodate my needs in the workplace.
For the past 11 years in my role, I have put my needs second and, at times, I have genuinely struggled to get through it.
This was a huge step for me, but being part of this community has helped me to see the importance of advocating for myself.
2 years ago, when I received my diagnosis, I was quick to brush aside the idea of adjustments. After all, I’d survived up until that point. But I’ve since learned that that approach simply wasn’t good enough, especially considering the amount of meltdowns I was experiencing at the end of a day.
I got quite upset and tearful in the discussion when asking for the meeting, as I think it was in recognition of the 11 years of work up to this point where I have just been coping rather than thriving. But I did it. It took a lot of courage for me, as historically I’ve not been good at asking for help. But I managed it.
The date is pencilled in, and now I get to have a good think in preparation for this meeting. My aim is to now think of my context, the adjustments that can reasonably be in this role and what I’m actually asking for.
I don’t really know why I’m posting this, but it feels good to write it down. I’m sure many of you can relate to that feeling here.
thanks for this out_of_step.
out_of_step said: I think you need to live a bit with your diagnosis so you can work out how it impacts you and what you need goung forward.
I think there is a lot of truth to this statement. I think the time has allowed me to consider a much more tailored approach to me.
I also couldn’t agree more with this:
out_of_step said:I don't think other people nor ourselves appreciate the adjustments we have made for others over the years. Massive adjustments without even knowing.
It’s something I’ve come to realise more recently, which perhaps is why I’m starting to advocate for myself a little. Or at least hoping to.
Thank you for this very kind message. I will aim to update you all in the run up/after. Who knows what will happen, but I’m hopeful that it will go well. I think the more I prepare, the better a position I will be in.
I think that’s fantastic - well done for taking this step. I hope you get a good response to your suggestions etc - good luck!
That's good stuff coffee guy. It is difficult at first knowing what adjustments you might need. I think you need to live a bit with your diagnosis so you can work out how it impacts you and what you need goung forward. But you say it was 2 years ago so it sounds like now is the right time!
I don't think other people nor ourselves appreciate the adjustments we have made for others over the years. Massive adjustments without even knowing. So if you can now get something back and on your terms I hope it'll make things a bit easier. Best of luck.
Desmond79,
100% truth you speak! Ha! I sound like yoda. :-)
Mariusz,
I guess the anger for me is my lifetime of experience of being mistreated at work for my inability to play the game anymore. I cry. It's not accepted. I cry more. It's labelled and neatly packaged as something to be medicated. I believe that and like a good girl take the medication. It gives me a whole host of issues and doesn't work. I "pretend" I am "better" for the sake of others. I try another job and research in detail how it is meant to be done. I get there, I put everything into it. I do everything right down to every detail. I mask my internal struggle with feeling the workplace is fake and hugely uncomfortable with fake people who are bitchy and pretend to like me when i know they don't. i make friends with the "misfits." who are also shunned. I get ill (which I now know is shutdown after a series of meltdowns). This cycle started when I was 16 and started my first part time job. I loved that job and my boss because he understood me and the job was two days a week. The "ill" cycle started when i was expected to work more hours in another job.
My point in sharing this is to show how i genuinely didn't realised what i do now. I've pushed anger down and disowned it because it's deemed negative by me and some folks.
I'm glad you're not angry about it. It's comforting to hear that. I have years of anger to work through.
Thanks for posting your thoughts. It is helping me know myself more.
Just a certificate, not a principle.
For show.
Don't be angry. I'm not. It's as it was before. Nothing has changed.
Except discovering another fake in society.
Mariusz ,
That makes me angry for you! All these disability confident badges are not what they seem. I really really really hope the adjustments are made for coffeeguy since he was so brave to ask. :-(
What I found stonewalled as impossible was asking for mindfulness in communication, to take literally what I say, but apparently it's impossible to communicate it to everyone and it's down to me to manage it, so I'm back to square one, where people don't take seriously when I ask for something
Coffee Guy,
Whatever happens, that is awesome and you must be incredibly proud of yourself for taking action. It's also great that you are really thinking about what could help you. I also think it's amazing that you are able to work because I am not. I mask and get to the point where I can't anymore and get really ill withdrawing and being unable to do very much at all.
My last job, before I knew I had Autism (It's been diagnosed at Sensory Processing Disorder but I see it as Autism), I became very ill from all the sensory stuff and lack of support and having to mask constantly. I wrote a letter to the company asking for reasonable adjustments. They told me that they could only do it for a period of time until I was better. I realised that I wouldn't be able to go back unless the changes were permanent. The company could not uphold that so I resigned. This is the employment circle I have been through my whole life as I didn't know I was Autistic. All my senses are heightened so it's very clear to me now why working in those environments would make me shutdown.
The point of telling you that is to say, I rather think you are in a great position to be much happier in your job as it is now because you have been there a long time and have the relationships built up already. I feel that any adjustments will make a difference to you because at the moment there are none.
I know I don't know you but I feel proud of you for doing that as it's scary.
Please let us know how the meeting goes and how it impacts on your working life. :-)