Lack of daily routine

Does anyone have difficulty with having a lack of routine? I'm ok when I'm in work or have commitments but otherwise I seem to flim flam around. I notice other people are able to productively relax (eg I'm going to sit and watch a film then I'm going to do a work out) whereas I feel I act more on a whim. I'm getting some help to establish a better routine outside of working days because of a non autism related issue.  They've left me just to get on with it and plan myself which is fine because I know I need help with this but I feel there's an element of demand to it now. It's hard for me to establish a routine and very easy for it to unravel. Can anyone relate to it? 

Parents
  • Do you maybe have ADHD as well as autism? I think I have both. People who do describe the struggle with their autistic side wanting routine and benefiting from it but their ADHD side getting bored with it and refusing to follow it!

    I have some routines which do not have a set time but a time of day, like my morning routing doesn't involve a specific waking up time and some steps can take a varying amount of time, but the order is generally followed. I can struggle to move on to the next stage sometimes, especially from the being in bed reading to the getting out of bed to eat part, even if I feel hungry. Autistic inertia!

    I can totally relate to flim flamming around! Unless the day has a thing already decided, a lesson or appointment, or the food shop or the weather is good so we shall cycle, I tend to drift or end up just watching telly or being on the computer. It is really hard to make myself do actual things like the car tax or whatever.

    I do have a list but am very bad at looking at it! I sometimes forget to look at it and sometimes just don't want to.

    I totally resist my husband trying to impose any further routine. Like doing the laundry on Mondays or whatever. Partly because my energy levels fluctuate and cycling is weather dependent - no way am I going to not cycle to do laundry instead! But even if he just wants a decision like shall we watch this thing on telly at half seven. I'm like maybe, but it might be earlier or later. I am so glad we have catchup now and are no longer subject to the tyranny of the TV schedule! I'm not sure if this is ADHD or demand avoidance.

    I do wonder whether I should try to impose some kind of further routine of my own choosing, but I am dubious it would work. 

  • I have some routines which do not have a set time but a time of day, like my morning routing doesn't involve a specific waking up time and some steps can take a varying amount of time, but the order is generally followed. I can struggle to move on to the next stage sometimes, especially from the being in bed reading to the getting out of bed to eat part, even if I feel hungry. Autistic inertia!

    This! And I don't want to impose micro managing times on my own day. Ive noticed I struggle to get out of bed if it's for work or doing something i dont want to do but when I'm off work I bound out of bed no problems. I understand more now about demands. It was the same as a child. Couldn't get up in the week but up 2 hours earlier at weekends no problem!

Reply
  • I have some routines which do not have a set time but a time of day, like my morning routing doesn't involve a specific waking up time and some steps can take a varying amount of time, but the order is generally followed. I can struggle to move on to the next stage sometimes, especially from the being in bed reading to the getting out of bed to eat part, even if I feel hungry. Autistic inertia!

    This! And I don't want to impose micro managing times on my own day. Ive noticed I struggle to get out of bed if it's for work or doing something i dont want to do but when I'm off work I bound out of bed no problems. I understand more now about demands. It was the same as a child. Couldn't get up in the week but up 2 hours earlier at weekends no problem!

Children
  • I think my demand avoidance is somewhat outside the range of "typical"... The difference between PDA and autistic demand avoidance is that PDAers even want to avoid demands they place on themselves  including things they really want to do. It sounds horrible so I was rather worried to think I might have it and relieved to work out it was most likely the autistic kind. Which of course not all autistic people have because we are all different! But it is one of the things which can be a trait.

  • Yes I think sometimes we can pathologise behaviour which is within the range of "typical" human behaviour. Yes it's funny how I often need an external force to propel me, but other external forces create demand! 

  • I don't think it's a mood thing for me. In fact if I have something bad I am more likely to feel I can't relax and feel driven to get up. But the other day we had planned to go to one of my favourite places to cycle and husband was wondering why I wasn't getting up quicker! In fact he nagged me a few times even though there was no rush and we still got there with plenty of time to enjoy it.

    I do wonder if I might have got up sooner without his nagging... I have wondered about PDA but I don't think it is pathological, just good old autistic demand avoidance! Although it can just as easily have been that I wanted to finish what I was doing.

  • Which actually contradicts my first point in that I'm more mobilised when I have external forces that I need to do something. But this doesn't apply to getting up out of bed. Because that's a demand.