When work is challenging as an autistic

This is quite an emotive issue for me. I had what could be considered a relatively successful career but had to give it up prematurely, mainly because I could not cope with working in large open plan offices.

Homebird said:

I used to work in an office which wasn't too bad when I was in a small team.

At first mine wasn't too bad. I was in a small office with a maximum of 5 colleagues, who were not there a lot of the time anyway.

Homebird said:

Then came hot desking which became less comfortable as there was always the decision where to sit. I guess I masked the difficulty to a certain extent. Then we moved to a completely open plan building.

The businesses I worked for seemed to keep changing and reorganising things for no good reason. Every change proved harder for me to cope with. Every reorganisation seemed to involve moving to a larger, noisier open plan office. I moved jobs to try and get away from the huge open plan offices. Then a few months down the line there would be another reorganisation...

I began to struggle hugely with all the changes. I tried to get a desk near the window, where I wasn't so affected by the buzzing and flickering from the overhead fluorescent lights. I found the noise completely overwhelming and relentless. There was the phones, photocopiers, printers and constant interruptions. The worst thing was colleagues who talked non stop all day and just would not shut up.

At the time I had no idea that I was autistic. I repeatedly tried to explain to my managers how much it was affecting me. I was told that it was part of working in an open plan office and that I had to get used to it. They would repeatedly tell me that no-one else was complaining about the noise and that it was my problem. 

I begged my managers to let me work in one of the meeting rooms for a short time, to try and get some respite from the noise. Every request was refused, even though the meeting rooms were empty. I spent far too much time away from my desk, trying to get some respite and calm down. This was mainly in the toilets or in the stairwell area. 

It was affecting the quality of my work significantly. I found myself working very late every evening, to try and get some work done after colleagues had gone home and the office was quieter. 

I wish I'd known I was autistic. My managers might have been more understanding and they would have had to agree to reasonable adjustments.

Luftmentsch said:

I would leave the office at the end of the day feeling as if I had been physically assaulted, incredibly exhausted and overwhelmed.

I can really identify with this. I became increasingly burnt out by the long hours and having to endure the noisy and overwhelming office every day. I remember arriving home in the evening and sliding down behind the front door into a sobbing heap. Even weekends were distressing, as I would become increasingly anxious about Monday morning.

Eventually I couldn't take anymore and suffered a nervous breakdown. Most probably it was severe autistic burnout. I was signed off due to work related stress, but never recovered sufficiently to be able to go back.

Homebird said:

When lockdown arrived I breathed a sigh of relief as I worked from home at the same desk with familiar surroundings

I remember watching the news reports about people being able to work from home and being quite envious. That would have suited me perfectly.

I can sympathise with the not knowing over the weekend. We have a rota for answering phone calls and I don't like not knowing if I will be on duty on the Monday if the rota was not available before I finished the week before. 

That sounds a challenge starting regularly in a new department. I hate it if I don't know exactly what I am doing or where things are. It adds to the stress. I had intended picking up some stationery when I went in recently but the experience was so overwhelming, especially as things had moved I didn't remember.

I also like it when I am left to my own devices, as I can then organise my tasks in an order I am happy with.

With any role where I’ve been tied to the spot I have struggled. Small things would bother me, like having to talk and be fake, having to sit in a different seat or at a different desk. Office work was the worst.
I had a varied job in pathology, which was full time, and while it held my attention, the hours were too much and every 6 weeks we had to change to a different department. I found the change awful. The not knowing on the Monday would ruin my whole weekend, and even when I found out, and went to that department, it was as if i was ‘new’ and had to start over. It took me a week or do to get into the rhythm of it. 
My current job isn’t great, but I am for the most part, left to my own devices, and I am able to move about whilst doing my role so I don’t feel so restricted. The downside, is that I am often searching for equipment at the start of my shift which causes extreme stress and anxiety. And there always the dread of finding out I have to do someone else’s job instead, or as well as my own, which causes more anxiety.  I feel I do well to manage it, but I really need to distress and give myself a lot of time to recover from each shift.

I was self employed for at least 13 years at home. It was very, very hard, but also great. No one to answer to, no one to talk to, no surprises, I knew exactly what to do and when. The downside of that was I went out even less than I did before, and gradually it led to me being too insular and avoidant.

Homebird said:

I hate sitting in the middle.

Find that area awkward too.

Regarding choosing the same place in the far corner. I used to do that. I hate sitting in the middle. When I went in this week the best I could find was an end near the door.

Homebird said:

When lockdown arrived I breathed a sigh of relief as I worked from home at the same desk with familiar surroundings. Since then there have been challenges, but at least if I feel upset I have a private place.

Feel strange to admit it, but lockdown was one of the calmest, stable, and productive periods for me. I could think much deeper and work on things without time bothering.

Luftmentsch said:

I would leave the office at the end of the day feeling as if I had been physically assaulted, incredibly exhausted and overwhelmed.

Weekends, I feel, sometimes do not exist owing to exhaustion.

Homebird said:

I hope you find something you can do from home. I understand your exhaustion. I realised how much I stim when I had to mask.

Seconded.

Phoenixboy said:

I very much disliked sitting within a canteen for my break with large groups of people, often I'd sit alone somewhere outside of the canteen or maybe with one other person.

I recently returned to an old place of work and took a seat. Former colleagues noted it was the seat I always take - in the far corner.

Martin said:

A complete nightmare. Even after I got my own office, I still spent time in the disabled toilets (there were many) or sat at the top of a stairwell that led to the roof, just to be on my own and away from constant observation. I think that the building had a negative impact on my health.

This chimes. I have worked in an open space with endless windows for transparency; can understand and appreciate the logic but felt at times like a panopticon.

I struggle when working or socialising with groups of people, always have done. I've only recently considered myself to have autistic traits at the age of 54, now on the waiting list to be assessed.

I had a change of career around 15 years ago now &  I've become a lone worker, this helped within a positive way, unless I need to go to the office for training, which I very much dislike. Even during my younger years of employment I very much disliked sitting within a canteen for my break with large groups of people, often I'd sit alone somewhere outside of the canteen or maybe with one other person. Looking back I just thought this was normal to feel the way I did & had no idea that autism existed. It's a triple whammy for me now if I go to the office for training as I have my feelings & emotions to cope with, along side the fact that their seats kill me & I struggle for days afterwards, as I also suffer from an autoimmune disease, chronic arthritic condition from around the age of 21. So I now basically struggle to sit or stand for long periods of time.

You make an important point about modern offices as they often have no quiet corners to unwind or make a private call during a break time.

I worked in a very open-plan scientific research institute, hot desking for postgrad students and technicians, desks in smaller but still open-plan offices for post-docs and suchlike - glass everywhere, virtually nowhere entirely private. Even the single occupancy offices for more senior people had glass walls. A complete nightmare. Even after I got my own office, I still spent time in the disabled toilets (there were many) or sat at the top of a stairwell that led to the roof, just to be on my own and away from constant observation. I think that the building had a negative impact on my health.

I hope you find something you can do from home. I understand your exhaustion. I realised how much I stim when I had to mask.

A few years ago, I spent three months working four days a week in a very noisy open-plan office. At the time I was not diagnosed autistic. I was beginning to think was on the spectrum, but was still very unsure. More than anything else, the awful experience of working in that office convinced me that I am autistic and that I needed a diagnosis. I would leave the office at the end of the day feeling as if I had been physically assaulted, incredibly exhausted and overwhelmed.

I now work in a much smaller office (just me and my boss; occasionally other people pop in for a few minutes). This is much better, but I still feel quite overwhelmed by the end of the day, from masking and struggling against executive function issues. I'm looking into finding work I can do at home, although for financial reasons, that will probably be to supplement this job (it's part-time) rather than to replace it, at least in the short-term. But I do find work hard and make mistakes as a result, and I'm lucky that my boss is very laid-back.