Hi all, I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in struggling to cope with not knowing what the “plan” is for the day- eg. What we are doing after what we’re doing now, what if things don’t work out the way I hope etc…
I have tried to explain to family and friends for actual YEARS that yes, I’m sorry that I am annoying you because I am asking what is happening all the time, but I REALLY struggle with this.
Some examples I can think of off the top of my head that range from causing full on meltdowns to just raising my anxiety levels are:
when i was about 6 my mom took me and my siblings to the cinema- there was a Pizza Hut next door and we’d been there on a different occasion after the movie- I’d asked if we were going this time and my mom said she’d tell me after the film. No big deal right? But I was unable to focus on the rest of the movie because I was anxious about not knowing what was happening next- my sister came back from the toilet with my mom a little later before the end of the film and whispered to me that we WERE going to get pizza. She likes to wind me up as siblings do so I asked my mom again. She said she’d tell me later. I asked again and again (my biggest flaw to this day) same answer from mom.
after the film she said that she had planned to take us for pizza, but due to my questioning, I had ruined it for everyone and we would eat at home. Being 6, I had a meltdown due to the anger of my siblings, mom, the lack of knowing what was happening, etc.
I was punished for throwing a tantrum over pizza, and much as I love pizza lol I wouldn’t have cared more than “awww nah” if we weren’t getting it- the uncertainty is my problem.
last year, I’d just got out of a violent relationship and it was going to court. I asked my parents what if I wasn’t believed and she was found not guilty. They told me that this would not happen, there was enough evidence, etc. etc.
then would talk about the incompetence of the officer assigned to my case ( my parents are also both police officers) and their lack of faith in the criminal justice system etc.
I asked again. Same answer. Again. Same answer, until I gave up.
my worst fears came true. I had the biggest meltdown I’ve had in years, was asked to leave my parents house due to my rude behaviour (I was very upset that I’d asked them to help me prepare for this outcome and this made them angry) and go back to my flat ( which they were the guarantors of, they agreed if i was ever unable to pay my rent they would pay it for one month only before I had to leave, please know I’m very grateful for this )
I worked with my ex still- people who had been mates for years suddenly started questioning me and saying I must be lying as she was found not guilty. I had a breakdown at work, lost my job. My parents stepped in and paid that one months rent, I was spiralling downwards so I stayed at a friends for 3 nights as I was losing my mind I felt.
My mom texted me to ask me to hand my keys in, she’d spoken to my landlord and ended my tenancy, due to the way I’d spoken to her when I lost the court case. I rushed to my flat, it was empty.
The last phone call we ever had she told me she’d thrown away all my possessions. I lost everything, I told her I had no where to go, my friend could not put me up in her single room in a shared house any longer as her landlord was threatening to give her a warning. Nothing. I was homeless for 6 months, finally have a room in a shared house myself.
why do people get so angry when I ask questions to try and prepare for whatever outcome is next?
