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Right and wrong

Oakling

I’m feeling quite frustrated today and I’m trying to put it into words to make sense of why. Please feel free to either chime in with your thoughts on the matter, or totally ignore this post, as I suppose it’s a bit of a rant of sorts.

I think rules are very important to me. I use them to live my life. I know when something is right or wrong in my eyes and I try to uphold myself in a way that impacts those around me in as positive a way as I can.

With that in mind, perhaps it is the case that others don’t have as strict a moral code, or perhaps what registers on their radar is different to mine. 

And this is where, I suppose, my feelings of being let down have crept in. Recently, I dropped everything to help someone. Put hours into it. But since then, I’ve had very little back. They have had what they needed from me, but haven’t thought to reciprocate. I’m not going to lie, I’m finding it a bit upsetting. I don’t want to stop helping people, but I don’t see why it wouldn’t be followed up. I didn’t do it for recognition, but at the very least a thank you, or good job, wouldn’t hurt.

I have fairly strict guidelines on how I carry myself, and I assume everyone does the same (and that those guidelines align with mine). But it’s moments like these where that assumption crashes down in front of me. I always make sure my gratitude is shown when someone puts any effort into my betterment, so why don’t others. Or is it that they show it in a way I miss?

People aren’t mind readers, and yet I almost expect them to be. I expect them to know when they have negatively impacted me, even with no clues from myself. This is, I think, where the problem stems from. I have always been like this, and I hate it.

Apologies. Maybe this was more of a rant than I intended.

Parents

  • Thank you everyone for your thoughts on the matter. As always, it is nice to read the differing points of view and, as a result, have a chance to reflect with those view points in mind.

    I think I was struggling a bit the day I wrote this and perhaps my frustrations were obvious in the post. I had written it in an attempt to vocalise something I’ve grappled with for a while. I didn’t really intend for it to be quite as much of a rant as it had turned out to be.

    The example I mentioned was just that, an example to try and highlight something I’ve grappled with for a while. My tunnel vision on what is right and wrong in my eyes. I recognise that this is only my view, and that others will view things differently. When these don’t align, this is definitely an area of difficulty for me, but it’s one I’m becoming more aware of.

    Also, in my example, I was asked to help. So I did. I did do it for the sake of helping and not for anything in return. I think the frustrations arose around the fact that, for me, it’s a common courtesy to say thank you, so when that didn’t really happen, it was disappointing to me. I will also admit to the fact, which is probably quite selfish of me, that I often look for reassurance that I’ve done something well. So a little bit of my disappointment was tied up in this too. This is something I can see now that I am more removed from the situation. And something I’d like to work on.

    To those of you that made the point of helping people for the sake of it. And recognising that, even without thanks, that it was the right thing to do, you are right. I think in this moment, it was good to be reminded of that. My vision became a bit clouded, but I can certainly see the importance of this again.

    I really appreciate your time on the matter, so, thank you. Another example of why this community is so valuable to me.

Reply

  • Thank you everyone for your thoughts on the matter. As always, it is nice to read the differing points of view and, as a result, have a chance to reflect with those view points in mind.

    I think I was struggling a bit the day I wrote this and perhaps my frustrations were obvious in the post. I had written it in an attempt to vocalise something I’ve grappled with for a while. I didn’t really intend for it to be quite as much of a rant as it had turned out to be.

    The example I mentioned was just that, an example to try and highlight something I’ve grappled with for a while. My tunnel vision on what is right and wrong in my eyes. I recognise that this is only my view, and that others will view things differently. When these don’t align, this is definitely an area of difficulty for me, but it’s one I’m becoming more aware of.

    Also, in my example, I was asked to help. So I did. I did do it for the sake of helping and not for anything in return. I think the frustrations arose around the fact that, for me, it’s a common courtesy to say thank you, so when that didn’t really happen, it was disappointing to me. I will also admit to the fact, which is probably quite selfish of me, that I often look for reassurance that I’ve done something well. So a little bit of my disappointment was tied up in this too. This is something I can see now that I am more removed from the situation. And something I’d like to work on.

    To those of you that made the point of helping people for the sake of it. And recognising that, even without thanks, that it was the right thing to do, you are right. I think in this moment, it was good to be reminded of that. My vision became a bit clouded, but I can certainly see the importance of this again.

    I really appreciate your time on the matter, so, thank you. Another example of why this community is so valuable to me.

Children
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