My life is ruined

Introspection is good for you. How would you like to wonder forever why people reject you, under the assumption that you have mysteriously and magically bad luck? That's what I thought.

When I say there are two ways, I'm not pretending that I live exclusively in one of those full-time. It's a shifting ratios thing at times. And understandable that you feel despondent at times. 

I think part of what you must be struggling with is that you know it's not something you can 'switch of'' or turn down the dial on, via CBT etc. in the way that would work for many NT people with practice. I used to try, long before I realised what I am. There are two ways you can think about the that realisation I suppose: 'Things are never going to change, what's the point of anything?' or 'Thank goodness, how I've always been makes sense to me and it can start feeling less like failure and more like my authentic best (only) self'. While the NT-skewed world cannot suddenly become accomodating overnight, you do have a proper context for better self-care, and less guilt around that. And a framework for connecting with communities like this, to feel less anomalous and part of a diffusely spread tribe that is not some mistake of nature but rather part of its evolving blueprint 

and how can finding out change? what made you change actions since you found out and why?
if someone told me something i didnt expect, like i have...i dunno.... schizophrenia or whatever... it wouldnt change the way i act or live my life, nothing would change at all.... unless the people that diagnose it then try to take control of your life and institutionalise you? thats all i can think of how anything would change...