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Please Help...!

Marty78

Hello,

I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at the end of 2012 following a "mini-breakdown" at work due to extreme stress of moving within the business to a new propety and an overbearing manager who had cornered me in my office and started to shaout at me. Before my diagnosis i was entered into a disciplinary procedure called a PIP or Performance Improvement Plan which i failed and was given an informal warning. I have been on PIP after PIP and have been recieving warnings ever since.

Each PIP and disciplinary hearing involved question after question being thrown at me in quick succession to which i was unable to give any thought to or answer and then made to sign a warning notice each time. I once dissagreed with the content after reflection and when told to sign my last PIP refused as i did not agree with some parts of it. My manager then called in another manager to whom she has previously had intimate relations with and he told me that i had no choice and must sign it saying that my issues with it would be cleared up before the end of the PIP which they have not.

I have also recieved an email from my manager to me only containing a joke about mental health, which i will not repeat on here due to it's distasteful content, titled "Happy Mental Health Day" which at the end stated "Happy Mental Health Day! You can do your part by remembering to send an email to an unstable friend...  Done my part!!!"

During the start of one of the PIP meetings both my manager and her manager both made lewd comments about a woman that i had been on my first date with due to the quantity of children she has and a few weeks later recieved a phone call internally to my office from my managers manager with further derogatory remarks about her after seeing a picture of my date on facebook!

I removed all management from my facebook after this phone call and was unable to enter the office for several days due to how angry i was.

My manager and her manager have both made me feel like they are trying to get rid of me and now they have been through my facebook page and now i am being called into a disciplineary hearing for gross misconduct. I have seen my friends and shown them everything and they say that there is nothing in the comments for the company to act upon. The thing that i am extremely worried about is that when it comes to the hearing i will be unable to defend myself as one of my friends described me as "a rabbit in the headlights" when i am quizzed or questioned and when stressed am unable to think straight and my mind goes blank so i always end up agreeing with everything said just to make it go away in the hope that they will just shut up and leave me alone!

I have attended 8 counselling sessions with a counsellor assigned by the company's Employee assistance program in which i told my counsellor some of these things and she told me to keep a record in a diary of anything that happens which i have done thus far.

I have been in my job for over 5 and a half years and have never had any disciplinary previous to moving to the new site but have been constantly told by my manager that i am lacking in confidence in every appraisal and to my face. I am not lacking in confidence i just don't know what to say sometimes to i keep to myself and don't see the point in telling the world of my confidence levels.

I am now so stressed out that i am not sleeping, eating very little and when i do eat i just feel sick.

If i lose my job then i lose my flat that i have just moved into, any prospect with the woman i have been dating (my first attempt at a relationship in 8 years!).

I feel like i am beginning to fall apart again and don't want to as i've worked hard to get to where i am and do not feel that i could recover a second time :(

Is there anyone that can help me please......

Parents

  • Thank you both.

    I am going to citizens advice on Tuesday with a friend.

    Yes i did tell them more or less as soon as i recieved my diagnosis, I gave the OHN permission to contact the lady that diagnosed me as i sorted out getting diagnosed off of my own back but from what i understand a lady from HR and my manager both contacted her too which i had not given my permission to do, they both told me afterwards that i could see all communications to and from the specialist but then when i actually asked for them they refused and said that the lady that diagnosed me have given them nothing worth using towards reasonable adjustments so they completely reordered my work schedule and now PIP me against it, needless to say i can't follow it and am being failed repeatedly.

    I'll see about an advocate as i am not very good at standing up for myself and i think they know this. My disciplinary is on Wednesday so i may have trouble getting an advocate by then i think. I may tell them on wednesday that i am not going to sit in this disciplinary alone and request it to be postponed until i can get an advocate, am i allowed to do that?

    As far as stress goes now i think i've decided in my head that after going through all this for so long that i'm just plain tired of it all :(

    I'm going to fight this all though as i don't think i could sleep at night at all knowing that if this is happening to me then they could do it to someone else after me so They're going to see exactly how confident i am and then once it's all clear and sorted I'll say good bye, i can't work for a company or people that i have had such bad experiences or such a damaged trust for :(

    My friend suggested today that the poor sleep and eating may also be down to the extremely complex shift pattern that i have to work to as i am unable to settle into any kind of sleep or eating pattern. It's a 3 shift rota over and 8 week period at 12 hours per shift, 2 weeks nights 6-6 2 weeks twighlight 12-12 and 4 weeks days 6-6.

Reply

  • Thank you both.

    I am going to citizens advice on Tuesday with a friend.

    Yes i did tell them more or less as soon as i recieved my diagnosis, I gave the OHN permission to contact the lady that diagnosed me as i sorted out getting diagnosed off of my own back but from what i understand a lady from HR and my manager both contacted her too which i had not given my permission to do, they both told me afterwards that i could see all communications to and from the specialist but then when i actually asked for them they refused and said that the lady that diagnosed me have given them nothing worth using towards reasonable adjustments so they completely reordered my work schedule and now PIP me against it, needless to say i can't follow it and am being failed repeatedly.

    I'll see about an advocate as i am not very good at standing up for myself and i think they know this. My disciplinary is on Wednesday so i may have trouble getting an advocate by then i think. I may tell them on wednesday that i am not going to sit in this disciplinary alone and request it to be postponed until i can get an advocate, am i allowed to do that?

    As far as stress goes now i think i've decided in my head that after going through all this for so long that i'm just plain tired of it all :(

    I'm going to fight this all though as i don't think i could sleep at night at all knowing that if this is happening to me then they could do it to someone else after me so They're going to see exactly how confident i am and then once it's all clear and sorted I'll say good bye, i can't work for a company or people that i have had such bad experiences or such a damaged trust for :(

    My friend suggested today that the poor sleep and eating may also be down to the extremely complex shift pattern that i have to work to as i am unable to settle into any kind of sleep or eating pattern. It's a 3 shift rota over and 8 week period at 12 hours per shift, 2 weeks nights 6-6 2 weeks twighlight 12-12 and 4 weeks days 6-6.

Children
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