• Replies 11 replies
  • Subscribers 86 subscribers
  • Views 2845 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Building self-knowledge

NAS82657

Heya, 

I am a thirty-year-old female who, got diagnosed with autism and ADHD this year. My whole life I have been trying to be someone I was not, and after the diagnosis, I am experiencing what could be described as an identity crisis. I am reaching out to you because I hope there may be a kind & generous soul who has gone through a similar process and would be open to sharing their experience. 


I have been masking well for years, but it has caused me a lot of distress and suffering. Getting diagnosed was a relief, but it also revealed what an empty shell of a human I am. I don't have a good sense of my values, goals, dreams, internal and external boundaries, etc. I feel like I borrowed all that from people I emulated and it's time to let go of that and find my authentic self (as corny as this sounds...) 

I was wondering if anyone could offer advice about building self-knowledge. Anything that has worked for you or people you know would be wonderful. Questionnaires, books, tools, methodologies, philosophies, people to follow, I am open to non-secular perspectives too. 

Thank you for reading my plea for help! <3 

Parents

  • Welcome.

    This is a good place to be (in my opinion) based on your clear and erudite explanation of your current feelings above.  Congratulations on receiving your diagnosis - although it is clear that you have already realised that these are merely labels and do not help with any of the real hard stuff like inner peace or a sense of identity.  I think that comes later, and conceivably MUCH later.

    I am a little worried that you might be hoping for WAY too much, WAY too quickly from this place (and potentially from yourself!)

    I think that time and thought are the best routes to what you seek.  I know that this is boring and somewhat trite advice, but I believe it to be true.  You probably need to rake over your coals for a while yet before settling on what is authentic for you - it takes time for the masks to turn to ashes.  Personally, I was so well practised at swapping really well fitting masks quickly from my really big bag of varied masks that I had been accruing for nearly five decades, that I literally had no clue what lay beneath!  I was pretty scared at times and always profoundly lonely.  The bag became too f**kg heavy to carry around by the time I was 45 yrs old.

    I'm a 50+ male btw who discovered my autism the hard way - full burnout !  The only advantage of that was the 3-5 years of navel gazing that resulted whilst I worked out what the hell happened - and why - and how to piece (my previously very busy, but weird) life back together better.  I travelled down many interesting rabbit holes during that time - both spiritual and clinical.  Depending on what day of the week / month / year it was, I would have told you all manner of pontifications.  I'm now more content in myself than ever before.  It simply took a long time - and I still have many challenges to mitigate on a regular basis !

    This place can hopefully offer you a healthy and friendly environment where you can be comforted by reading the words of other people that will resonate with your experiences and feelings at a frequency and volume that you haven't experienced before?  That has certainly been my experience of this place.  The older threads are overflowing with tips, reading and advice.  Dig in - do every test, look down every avenue, peek in every doorway, read all the research, watch every video.  Remain self-aware - you are in there somewhere!

    Don't panic - you are not an empty shell (that much is already very clear from what you have written.)  I reckon you are pretty much like me - just a few years behind my point on our shared curve  - and you seem to have avoided the big BOOM moment that I endured.  I survived, so you will too.  It gets easier.

    Sorry if this is not the sort of targeted advice you were hoping for, but hopefully you will find some resonant comfort from it, if nothing else.

    Stay sane - and stick around.  Best wishes.

Reply

  • Welcome.

    This is a good place to be (in my opinion) based on your clear and erudite explanation of your current feelings above.  Congratulations on receiving your diagnosis - although it is clear that you have already realised that these are merely labels and do not help with any of the real hard stuff like inner peace or a sense of identity.  I think that comes later, and conceivably MUCH later.

    I am a little worried that you might be hoping for WAY too much, WAY too quickly from this place (and potentially from yourself!)

    I think that time and thought are the best routes to what you seek.  I know that this is boring and somewhat trite advice, but I believe it to be true.  You probably need to rake over your coals for a while yet before settling on what is authentic for you - it takes time for the masks to turn to ashes.  Personally, I was so well practised at swapping really well fitting masks quickly from my really big bag of varied masks that I had been accruing for nearly five decades, that I literally had no clue what lay beneath!  I was pretty scared at times and always profoundly lonely.  The bag became too f**kg heavy to carry around by the time I was 45 yrs old.

    I'm a 50+ male btw who discovered my autism the hard way - full burnout !  The only advantage of that was the 3-5 years of navel gazing that resulted whilst I worked out what the hell happened - and why - and how to piece (my previously very busy, but weird) life back together better.  I travelled down many interesting rabbit holes during that time - both spiritual and clinical.  Depending on what day of the week / month / year it was, I would have told you all manner of pontifications.  I'm now more content in myself than ever before.  It simply took a long time - and I still have many challenges to mitigate on a regular basis !

    This place can hopefully offer you a healthy and friendly environment where you can be comforted by reading the words of other people that will resonate with your experiences and feelings at a frequency and volume that you haven't experienced before?  That has certainly been my experience of this place.  The older threads are overflowing with tips, reading and advice.  Dig in - do every test, look down every avenue, peek in every doorway, read all the research, watch every video.  Remain self-aware - you are in there somewhere!

    Don't panic - you are not an empty shell (that much is already very clear from what you have written.)  I reckon you are pretty much like me - just a few years behind my point on our shared curve  - and you seem to have avoided the big BOOM moment that I endured.  I survived, so you will too.  It gets easier.

    Sorry if this is not the sort of targeted advice you were hoping for, but hopefully you will find some resonant comfort from it, if nothing else.

    Stay sane - and stick around.  Best wishes.

Children
No Data