I wrote a post a while back about not really knowing what I look like, and it was hard to describe. I could really say what I meant at the time. I came across a something called "physical disassociation in a book about masking and wanted to know if this sounds familiar to anyone.
As a professional masker for many years now, all of my perceptions of physical myself are based on other peoples opinions. When I was younger I was known as Hair Cut 1000, as I changed my hair all the time. I did that because every time I changed it, people would tell me what would "really look good" and I would do it. Eventually it upset me and I got dreadlocks and don't change it much now. However, at the moment I find it hard to choose clothing and make up as I will just where whatever people tell me suits me. It's a bad problem with foundations as I can colour match and take other peoples opinions and I'm never sure if it looks right. If I'm around people long enough, my "personality" does the same thing. I find that really upsetting as it's like being caught up in a tornado and is why I isolate so much.
As I try to reduce my masking, I've hit the floor as I don't know how much of what I do I like, and what I was just copying which makes me very reluctant to pick up any of my old activities or spend time with people. Does this seem familiar to anyone?
