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Being Used

Ivy

I guess I'm not alone in this, sadly, but does anyone else get used by people who you thought were friends and nice who cared about you but were just using you for money or for fun?

I had these people, four girls who I've known for a few years and I thought we were friends. I don't really know how to make friends but they seemed nice straight away and they seemed to like me. Sadly I found out today they have just been using me. I like to buy gifts for them because they were so nice and today I was in the studio and I heard them outside, guess they didn't know I was there and they were saying horrible things about me and Jade said this exactly "if my friends found out I hung out with a retard I'd be finished" and they all laughed. Apparently I'm the retard. I'm a bit hurt and I feel a bit of an idiot. Should I have seen this before? I don't know. They've always been really nice to me. But I heard them saying all this and then they were saying at least I'm generous.

I don't understand friendship like how to tell who true friends are and how to see the bad ones.

I wish I knew others on the spectrum but sadly I don't. Why are people so mean?

Parents

  • That's appalling that they said that, and I'm so sorry that you're feeling such understandable hurt over this. I think it's worth letting them know you overheard and let them try and explain themselves. Even if it was someone else they said that of, it's such a needlessly offensive descriptor that they've sadly not been the people you thought they were. On the other hand, people are complicated and imperfect, and may feel genuinely (and rightly) bad about it if you bring it up, and take a long hard look at themselves. Just hope you're doing OK as that's awful. Better to know of course, hard as it is.

  • in reply to Shardovan

    I'm feeling a bit easier now. It was upsetting but I try to move on now and not worry about what I heard. I thought about saying to them about what they said but I don't know how to bring it up or what to sa come to that. But maybe saying will show them the were wrong and it might help. I'm meant to see them tomorrow so I try to talk about it then.

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  • in reply to Shardovan

    I'm feeling a bit easier now. It was upsetting but I try to move on now and not worry about what I heard. I thought about saying to them about what they said but I don't know how to bring it up or what to sa come to that. But maybe saying will show them the were wrong and it might help. I'm meant to see them tomorrow so I try to talk about it then.

Children
  • in reply to Ivy

    Hi Ivy

    I would suggest to restrain yourself from confronting them

    As long that they do not know that you know they will act the same as before

    but if you tell them they might turn openly hostile and start making your life miserable out of spite

    it's something people without morals do sometimes

    During my 25 years as adult I learnt that with some people I cannot be friends, because they would just use me the way your  would friends

    So once I find out that someone aspiring to be friends with me does one of those tings:

    * keeps asking for favours especially financial

    * shows complete lack of morals, e.g. talks badly about people behind their back, or do not hesitate to cheat or steal

    I decide it's to risky, and it won't work either way most likely

    Despite that I made 2 friends, and there is potential 3rd, but I know him only a year, so I'm not sure yet

    About your 4 would friends I would start ghosting them