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I want to find a girlfriend but I don't know how

Cary Grant

Hi

I was wondering how people go about getting a girlfriend?  I have AS but I have managed to take on the persona of Cary Grant.  And I have perfected it to the point where people find it hard to believe I have Aspergers.  Which is a nice complement in a way, but they don’t see the pain and anxiety I go through when approaching people and speaking to them on the phone or in person.

I have tried going on Datingdirect but its harder when you are Asian and have no idea of how to speak to women.  I took the drastic step of going to a prostitute and it has made me more confident and comfortable with physical affection. 

I really don’t know how I come across, people at work think I am gay because of the way I float in and able to engage people by being non-threatening but I don’t see it.  All I see is someone who is an ugly failure because he can’t find a relationship.  And I am tired of people asking me in disbelief why am I still single; someone I know said I was goodlooking but I am not sure she was joking or actually meant it.  I can’t bring myself to admit I have Asperger’s and resign myself to the fact that people with this affliction have twice as much trouble meeting someone and more often than not remain single because they give up on it.

And I wish I could give up on it too.  I asked my Doctor to increase my medication because its causing me to be unhappy, also it decimates my libido as well (which is a nice side effect).  I wish I could take a pill that completely removes my desire to be with someone and for intimacy. 

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Parents

  • A wise man by the name of Harry Lagan who sometimes filled in for my dad when it came to teaching me some wisdom about life, one told me this in his inimitable second hand dealer style (possibly whilst climbing into the transit to go and vist the peopel wh responded to his items wanted ad). "Women are like washing machines. If you want one, place a lonely hearts ad, and then go and choose one". 

    Behind that wonderfully cynical approach includes a truth that came to me when I did internet dating.

    I viewed 400 womens profiles, but only found 16 candidates that I felt worth writing to. Of those 3 wrote back, one to criticise the way I'd written my profile (As it turns out the concept of "truth" isn't as attactractive in the world outside my head as I think it should be) Fortunately one of them didn't mess about too much, we went for a date, which so far has persisted for 19 years. 

    1 in 400 odds put my problem in perspective for me. Internet dating provides a filter of sorts. 

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  • A wise man by the name of Harry Lagan who sometimes filled in for my dad when it came to teaching me some wisdom about life, one told me this in his inimitable second hand dealer style (possibly whilst climbing into the transit to go and vist the peopel wh responded to his items wanted ad). "Women are like washing machines. If you want one, place a lonely hearts ad, and then go and choose one". 

    Behind that wonderfully cynical approach includes a truth that came to me when I did internet dating.

    I viewed 400 womens profiles, but only found 16 candidates that I felt worth writing to. Of those 3 wrote back, one to criticise the way I'd written my profile (As it turns out the concept of "truth" isn't as attactractive in the world outside my head as I think it should be) Fortunately one of them didn't mess about too much, we went for a date, which so far has persisted for 19 years. 

    1 in 400 odds put my problem in perspective for me. Internet dating provides a filter of sorts. 

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