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I want to find a girlfriend but I don't know how

Cary Grant

Hi

I was wondering how people go about getting a girlfriend?  I have AS but I have managed to take on the persona of Cary Grant.  And I have perfected it to the point where people find it hard to believe I have Aspergers.  Which is a nice complement in a way, but they don’t see the pain and anxiety I go through when approaching people and speaking to them on the phone or in person.

I have tried going on Datingdirect but its harder when you are Asian and have no idea of how to speak to women.  I took the drastic step of going to a prostitute and it has made me more confident and comfortable with physical affection. 

I really don’t know how I come across, people at work think I am gay because of the way I float in and able to engage people by being non-threatening but I don’t see it.  All I see is someone who is an ugly failure because he can’t find a relationship.  And I am tired of people asking me in disbelief why am I still single; someone I know said I was goodlooking but I am not sure she was joking or actually meant it.  I can’t bring myself to admit I have Asperger’s and resign myself to the fact that people with this affliction have twice as much trouble meeting someone and more often than not remain single because they give up on it.

And I wish I could give up on it too.  I asked my Doctor to increase my medication because its causing me to be unhappy, also it decimates my libido as well (which is a nice side effect).  I wish I could take a pill that completely removes my desire to be with someone and for intimacy. 

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Parents

  • Just thought I'd give you an update on dating shenanigans.

    Word to the wise.  Never wear a blazer and cotton shirt in a bar that doesn’t have air conditioning or fans!

    And next time I am taking someone with me.  I was filled with self doubt/self loathing before it started so I had a beer – not a good idea when your liver processes alcohol one drop an hour. 

    But once it got started I was ok.  There were 14 ladies.  And I think the same amount of men.  I wasn’t the token Asian person which gave me some reassurance.  I was guy no 6 and guy no 7 got absolutely trollied and went past his 4 minute allocation with each date.  (I even had a quick word with him in the toilets and he tried to tell me he was drunk like it had passed everyone by but I did kindly say it hadn’t passed ANYONE by; on the plus side it probably made me look good!)

    There were some nice women there.  Although there was one Asian lawyer who was so driven and seemed like all she was interested in was having a guy who was at the same level of earning capacity as her, if not better.   I might have offended her by criticising her meditation practice (I do lots of yoga and meditate 6 days out of 7).  But I don’t really go for Asian women so hey ho.

    I got the impression though most of the women were being friendly rather than actually liked me.  But I am a terrible at separating when women are being friendly and when women are being flirtatious.


    I've got one match!  I have emailed her last night and hopefully she will email me back but I think I am going to try going again and not have any alcohol and see how it goes.  Practice makes progress

Reply

  • Just thought I'd give you an update on dating shenanigans.

    Word to the wise.  Never wear a blazer and cotton shirt in a bar that doesn’t have air conditioning or fans!

    And next time I am taking someone with me.  I was filled with self doubt/self loathing before it started so I had a beer – not a good idea when your liver processes alcohol one drop an hour. 

    But once it got started I was ok.  There were 14 ladies.  And I think the same amount of men.  I wasn’t the token Asian person which gave me some reassurance.  I was guy no 6 and guy no 7 got absolutely trollied and went past his 4 minute allocation with each date.  (I even had a quick word with him in the toilets and he tried to tell me he was drunk like it had passed everyone by but I did kindly say it hadn’t passed ANYONE by; on the plus side it probably made me look good!)

    There were some nice women there.  Although there was one Asian lawyer who was so driven and seemed like all she was interested in was having a guy who was at the same level of earning capacity as her, if not better.   I might have offended her by criticising her meditation practice (I do lots of yoga and meditate 6 days out of 7).  But I don’t really go for Asian women so hey ho.

    I got the impression though most of the women were being friendly rather than actually liked me.  But I am a terrible at separating when women are being friendly and when women are being flirtatious.


    I've got one match!  I have emailed her last night and hopefully she will email me back but I think I am going to try going again and not have any alcohol and see how it goes.  Practice makes progress

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